A Pacifistic Sword Saint

“You like him,” Cristyne’s voice echoed in Maude’s mind.

“Sounds like there are some feelings between the two of you to me,” Melissa’s voice also echoed in Maude’s mind.

Maude was plodding through the hallways of Rosenberg manor, Jakob tailoring behind her, to go practice sword fighting. Hopefully I can get these goddamn thoughts out of mind, Maude huffed. She was walking faster than she usually did, and Jakob was struggling a bit to keep up.

Me? Like Jaspar? Impossible, Maude thought, lumbering across the practice field towards the sword racks. He’s literally my enemy, she thought, picking up the sword that reminded her of her own.

It was nearing the height of winter. Despite the omnipresent chill in the air, and the ever present snow on the ground, Maude had opted to go out and practice without her cloak, Jakob had tried to insist that she wear it, concerned that she would be too cold at the start of her practice. She’d denied him, knowing full well she intended to keep her body warm with the exertion. It was also cold, sure, but nothing compared to the cold, howling wind that she’d felt every winter in the empire.

Maude slashed at the open air with the sword, checking to see if she still remembered how to use it. Between getting herself up to par with her etiquette, and socializing, it had been a while since she’d gotten to practice.

Her movements were still fluid. She went up to a target dummy and began practicing the new moves Jaspar had taught her.

Ugh, damnit, she thought. Of course he was the one who taught me these moves.

Maude remembered the gentle hands as he had helped shift her body into the new stances. She remembered the firm yet soft touch of his hand on her wrist, simulating the movements he wanted her to make.

Focus! Maude screeched at herself in her mind. She unlocked her ability, feeling herself get stronger. This will help, she reassured herself.

She remembered Jaspar telling her to come at him with all she had, ability and all. They’d signed a contract because she’d believed she’d easily win, and then it had been a draw. He was an incredible swordsman, there had been no doubt in her mind.

Fucking damnit! She seethed. Her slashes and cuts came down with more force than she’d ever been able to master before. He’s an enemy, an enemy! His soldiers slaughtered yours. He killed your soldiers. You’re a hostage! Get it together, Maude!

She remembered him laughing at her attempts to escape, informing her that no one had ever successfully escaped from his manor. He’d given her permission to go out and about with Jakob as her guard. She was far from a typical hostage.

No! She yelled out in her mind. Her blows were getting faster, and the practice dummy was looking worse and worse for wear. She was starting to sweat a little. But it all wasn’t enough to calm her twisted stomach.

Anyone but him, she thought. Anyone but him could have been better. There was Silas in the empire...I had thought that I liked him, but in no sense did I feel this same way. Why?

Maude remembered Jaspar holding her in his arms, telling her that she was his sword while teaching her how to dance better. She’d stomped on his foot several times, and while he had made a couple of comments about the strength of her stomps, he hadn’t once complained. It was almost as if it had been expected, and he did not mind at all.

Maude screamed out loud, and heard a few birds fly away. Jakob must think I’m out of my mind, she thought. He wouldn’t be wrong if he thinks that...I am out of my mind for having feelings for Duke Jaspar Rosenberg.

Maude remembered Jaspar holding her as she’d sobbed uncontrollably over the life she’d led in the empire. His embrace had been warm, firm, and gentle. It was as if he’d read her mind and known exactly what she’d needed in that moment.

The practice dummy cracked and fell to the ground from her blows. She nearly fell over herself onto it from trying to stop her quick movement so suddenly. Her Augment ability collapsed back into the box she stored it internally. Her body shrank back down to normal in size, and bulk.

She sank the pointed end of the sword into the ground, and allowed herself to fall backward into the cushion of snow on the ground. Her heart was pounding, her breathing heavy. Above her were the thick branches of the trees, overhanging the training area. The same trees not long ago she’d told Jaspar she’d found awe inspiring.

Just off to one of the corners of her periphery was the dueling platform where they’d exchanged blows, and where he’d more than happily signed the contract that protected her so long as she did what was asked of her, even if she’d accidentally killed him in her duel.

The memories of him were everywhere, and invading her mind from every corner, despite how hard she’d tried to drive them out.

“Son of a bitch,” she murmured out loud. “Now what?”

It’s not like I can be with him, Maude thought. My country of origin is hostile to his. I’ve basically become a fallen noble due to my unwillingness to fight. I have no status, no power, no money. He also has Lady Fronica. My heart just had to choose the most impossible man, didn’t it?

She sighed out loud. I have to get rid of these feelings, somehow. I can’t foster any hope that he might possibly feel the same. It doesn’t matter if he does or not. It’s impossible for us to be together. What can I do? She wondered.

She blinked up at the gray sky. The chill was starting to set in to her now damp shirt. A few snowflakes were starting to appear. Maude wondered how much it was going to snow this time.

What can I do? What can I do? Her heart squeezed. What would I give to be able to find a way to make things work? Her eyes stung. I have so little to give, yet there are only a few things that I would not give to have an actual chance with Jaspar Rosenberg.

He was the first person to make her feel excited to be alive. He was a bright spark in the dull existence she had lived. She felt a tear slip down onto her cheek, threatening to freeze the further it fell.

Okay, she thought. At least for the time being, I should do everything in my power to diminish these feelings, or at least not continue to grow them. The easiest way to do that would be to avoid him and any intimate feeling sharing or basically just any positive interaction with him. In the meantime, I can work on coming up with ideas of how we might be able to make a relationship work.

Maude nodded, letting out a small sigh of contentment. I can do this.

She was starting to shiver, and the snow was starting to come down a bit harder. She stood up, grabbed the sword out of the ground, and put it back on the rack.

She looked over at Jakob, and nodded at him. He nodded back. They both began making their way to the manor’s entrance.

All the while, Maude could not ignore the heaviness in her heart. Ignoring the duke was the last thing she wanted to do.