A New Life in Modern Family

I am 15 chapters ahead on my patreón, check it out if you are interested.

https://www.patréon.com/emperordragon

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Chapter 95: The Curse Contingency

Jon's Perspective

The tow truck groaned along the road ahead of them, its rust-flecked frame creaking like some wounded metal beast dragging a carcass behind it. The chain connecting Jay's once-proud sedan to the back of the truck rattled with every bump, making the whole thing sound like a death march for midlife crises on wheels.

Jon trailed behind in his own car, glancing over at Jay in the passenger seat. Jay sat rigid, arms folded tight across his chest, his expression a careful mix of annoyance, skepticism, and that particular look he only reserved for Phil Dunphy reruns or the kale Gloria kept trying to sneak into his meals. He hadn't said much since the golf cart incident. Understandable. Getting attacked by a runaway vehicle tended to put a damper on a guy's day.

Jon finally broke the silence. "So," he said slowly, easing off the brake, "still convinced the golf cart thing was just a weird accident?"

Jay didn't look at him. He gave a short, unimpressed grunt. "A coincidence with a death wish."

Jon raised an eyebrow. "Jay, that cart came at you like it had a personal vendetta. Like you ran over its mom or something."

Jay muttered, "It's a golf course, not a battlefield. I should be worried about sand traps, not vehicular manslaughter."

They followed the lumbering truck into a grimy lot that smelled faintly of burnt rubber and regret. The tow truck driver didn't even pretend to care, unhooking Jay's car and leaving it beside a decaying station wagon that looked like it had been parked there since Clinton was in office.

While a mechanic poked at the lock on the driver's side door with all the urgency of someone doing a favor they didn't want to be asked about again, Jay leaned against the hood of Jon's car. His arms were still crossed, but now his eyes had a calculating glint.

"So," he said finally, breaking the heavy silence. "The necklace."

Jon sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah. Still think it clashes with your whole vibe. Too shiny. Not enough grump."

Jay ignored him, eyes narrowing slightly. "I'm starting to think it's time we came up with an actual plan."

Jon nodded slowly. "Agreed. Step one: take it off and tell Gloria everything."

Jay turned and gave him a flat look. "Absolutely not."

Jon blinked. "Wait—what?"

Jay waved a dismissive hand. "I'm not giving her the satisfaction. The second she finds out I believe in any of this—curses, haunted jewelry, bad omens—she's going to bring it up for the rest of my life. Every time something goes wrong, she'll say it's because I didn't burn sage or chant to the moon goddess. She'll start baptizing my golf clubs with holy water."

Jon let out a long exhale and rubbed his face. "Right. So, no honest communication. We're skipping straight to the denial and covert operations phase. Perfect. Healthy. This is what emotional maturity looks like."

Jay leaned in slightly, lowering his voice like they were discussing state secrets. "What did you find online? About cursed necklaces?"

Jon pulled out his phone and scrolled through the notes he'd taken in the brief but intense Googling session earlier. "Okay, according to the internet—which, let's face it, is never wrong—if a necklace is cursed, you'll get a spike on an EMF meter when you bring it near."

Jay raised an eyebrow. "We don't own one of those."

Jon shrugged. "Yeah, well, neither of us owns a proton pack either, but here we are."

Jay gestured for him to continue.

Jon scanned the next line. "And to remove the curse, you have to bury the necklace. Under a full moon. Preferably with some kind of ritual, but the basic idea is: dig hole, drop necklace, cover it up, hope for the best."

Jay stared at him for a long moment. "That's the plan?"

Jon looked back, deadpan. "Jay, we just survived an attempted murder by golf cart. At this point, consulting forums for ghost-hunters is the most logical thing we've done all day."

Jay exhaled through his nose, arms still firmly crossed. "Alright. Here's what we do. Official story: I lost the necklace. At the golf club. It's gone. Vanished. We don't mention the ketchup flying onto my shirt, or my wallet disappearing, or the homicidal cart attack. That's the version we stick to."

Jon tilted his head. "So, we're committing to a full cover-up."

Jay nodded like they were planning a weekend getaway. "Exactly."

Jon glanced around as if expecting someone to leap out from behind the mechanic's bay with a camera and yell gotcha. "You want me to help you lie to Gloria and Manny. And secretly dispose of what might be a haunted family heirloom?"

"Yes," Jay said, without hesitation. Like he was asking for a sandwich, not a potential felony.

Jon sighed. "And you think this plan is going to work?"

Jay shrugged. "Nope. But it's going to make less noise than Gloria finding out I ignored her warning and almost got turned into a cautionary tale on a golf course."

Jon shook his head slowly. "Why does this feel like the exact moment in the movie when the audience starts yelling at the characters to just leave the haunted necklace alone?"

Jay smirked and patted him on the shoulder. "Relax. You're young, good-looking, you'll survive. I'm the older, grumpier guy. Statistically, I'm the one who gets turned into cursed furniture."

Jon couldn't help but laugh. "Alright. Fine. I'll do it. I'll take it off you and bury it tonight. But if this thing drags me into the earth screaming, I am absolutely haunting your bathroom."

Jay grinned. "Deal."

They turned to watch the mechanic finally fixed the lock and closed Jay's car door with a click. The necklace still hung around Jay's neck, glinting faintly in the sunlight like it was enjoying the drama.

Jon didn't believe in curses. Not really. But he did believe in Gloria's wrath. And that, frankly, was a far more terrifying force of nature.

And if that meant digging a hole in the middle of the night? So be it.