NOVEL WEB Chapter 185: Back in the library
“You’re slow Hidaka! How long are you going to make me wait!?”
The bell for lunch sounded and Masamune was caught by Saeki like usual. His ‘delivery’ had been delayed because it was slightly more crowded in front of the schools shop than usual. Because of that Saeki was in a bad mood and was cursing at Masamune.
“Sorry…..”
“I don’t want to have someone whos always sorry getting my things for me!”
Ichijo and Kawachi weren’t in the room right now so there was no one to protect Masamune today. Kotori was watching from the corner but she never acted to try and stop what was going on. After he was done fetching there things he would have a small moment of freedom. However masamune didn’t eat lunch but instead came to the library. As usual Masamune paid no attention to the other people who were normally in the library and would pick out a random book. Then he sat in the same seat that he always did and put on his headphones.
After that he would listen to music as he opened his book and pretended to follow along the words without actually reading anything. His eyes seemed to follow the words but his vision was blurry as he sat there trying to escape from reality. Noone here even looked at Masamune but for some reason his personality urged him to blend in with his surroundings so he had picked up the book so that he wouldn’t look unnatural in the library. The deep bass was echoing inside his head when suddenly he could no longer hear it in one of his ears.
“What?”
His earphone had been taken off his right ear and when he turned to look he say Sonoda looking at him.
“The library is not a clinic nor is it some kind of shelter for you to escape your despair. I can hear the noise from your headphones.”
It seemed like his music was loud enough that it was leaking out into his surroundings and had managed to annoy Sonoda.
“Sorry….”
Masamune turned the volume down and tried to move away but Sonoda called out to him.
“I heard…”
Masamune stopped walking.
“……”
“You talked with Ichijo didn’t you? That you feel as if you’re being left behind.”
“……”
The library was normally quiet but for some reason it was rather noisy today so the people around them couldn’t hear their conversation.
“The world doesn’t stop just because you were left behind. Time will continue to move forward and listening to music doesn’t change that. The library isn’t a place to try and trick yourself into not feeling despair its a place for reading books so could you please not use them as a tool to try and trick yourself?”
This is a bad habit of Sonoda’s, although he has no actual interest in Masamune he felt like he could read him like a book and wanted to test out his own knowledge.
“…….”
Sonoda had said this monotone without any feeling in his words but Masamune was still there so it seemed as though the conversation was still ongoing.
“Despair?”
Masamune finally said something.
“Am I wrong? I can tell just by looking at you. It’s in your eyes, you can tell everything about a person from their eyes.”
“You can’t see it at all can you?”
“What?….”
“The despair is already long gone.”
“…….”
Masamune turned to look at Sonoda but there didn’t seem to be any emotion there.
“Sonoda, have you ever seen a world without color?”
“What?…..”
“Despair has a color. They are desperate because they can still feel hope, if there is no hope then there is no despair. My world has no color, there is no despair there is just nothing. It feels like I’m walking around stunned, I can hear but it’s as if I have water in my ears. I know I left home but suddenly I’m back there, I know I went to school but I can’t remember. “
“What are you saying?”
“I told you didn’t I? You can’t see it, you can’t see anything. And you won’t be able to for the rest of your life.”
Sonoda looked into Masamune’s eyes, he had said that you could understand everything about a person from there eyes. However right now he was still confused, but it couldn’t be said that he was a good person as he didn’t really feel like it was necessary to try and force himself to understand.
“Sonoda should also know what it means to feel trapped…like you can’t move.”
Leaving those words behind Masamune left with Sonoda still staring at his back.
After that Sonoda shut himself back into his own little world that revolved around his book. He didn’t feel guilty about anything he had said, however it was because of multiple interactions like these that Masamune had changed. It was why his eyes had grown dark.
This was the impression that had remained in Sonoda’s memory. The eyes that he couldn’t see through, eyes that made him feel sick.