A Fathers Wrath

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“Am I damned?”

I understand that my sins are many.  That my suffering is justified.  Even righteous.  The humiliation and agony are well deserved for defying the goddess.  My life has always shown me to be a toy.

Every time I tried to deny it?

Punishment inevitably followed.

But then?  The hero graced my dreams.  I watched his life in another world.  His peaceful life.  His loving family.  These dreams became my haven.  His face my savior.

No matter where the church sent me?  No matter who I was offered too?  No matter how they violated me?

Visions of that wonderful boy always healed my heart.

I would do anything to have him.  And I did.  Never considering that saving my heart might break his.  Not caring about the one thing I had left to care about.  I was so selfish.  So clever.

Even murdering the impressive boy the church told me to embrace.  The boy whose child I was told to bear.

Then the goddess herself denied me and I watched my companions butchered and defiled.  Cursed.  All I had left was the wish for my savior's light to appear in that beautiful boy's dead eyes.

If I could have that?  It would not matter what came after.

But instead of his gentle light?  Fire appeared.  A raging inferno fueled by a father's wrath.  A father's pain.  A father's fear.  All for his son.  All to protect his son.  All of it, in those magnificent reborn eyes.

Then he judged me.  We both found me… lacking.

I looked forward to the cup of poison I knew was waiting.  Only one duty left.  A poor apology to those who died for me.  Those who loved me.  But that was all I could do.  For I would finally be dead soon.

I had lost my only hope.  So I betrayed an oath only hours old for a royal family I did not love and a holy religion I did not believe.

But then the father showed mercy.  Blessed one who least deserved it.  Me.  He took away my pain.  Took away my fear.  Made me feel whole again.

Like the child who oh so long ago played with sweet Theo in that field of flowers.

I was purified in his fire.

I understand now.  I see now.  I wronged the son.  Now I have wronged the father.  For that I have earned damnation.

Still, I must confess.  Still must declare my sins.  Admit them so my heart can be properly weighed.  But… 

“How do I confess?”