A Disease of Magic

Leo nearly tripped over my nearly-prone form when he came into the hallway the next morning. Propped up against one wall, I’d just started to doze off after a difficult night of sleep and had missed his door opening. Leo’s surprised shout and subsequent slam against the opposite wall roused me quickly and effectively. Heart pounding with my own adrenaline rush, I pushed myself unsteadily to my feet.

“What the fuck,” Leo whispered. He braced one hand on the wall as he bent at the waist to catch his breath.

“Sorry, sorry,” I apologized breathlessly, one hand on my chest, the other reaching out towards him without touching.

“Can’t you wait in the kitchen or something like a normal person?”

I cringed. “I didn’t want to fall asleep waiting for you and miss my chance.”

Leo straightened and rubbed a hand over his face. He looked at me then, and I could imagine the terrifying picture I painted with my long messy hair and wrinkled pajamas. There were bags under my eyes I’d seen in the bathroom mirror that made me look like I hadn’t slept in a week. And I felt it.

I’d been unable to fall asleep until late last night, my mind a mush trying to figure out what to do. When I did finally drift off, my sleep was far from peaceful. Dreams haunted me, strange ones that I could only half-recall in the emerging morning light slowly creeping its way into the apartment. Vague impressions were all that were left, and I didn’t want to remember any more than that.

“What’s wrong?” Leo grasped my arm, and it was then I realized I’d started swaying on my feet.

It was my turn to scrub my face. “Couldn’t sleep,” I mumbled into my hands.

“Why not?”

“Decisions.”

I turned away and padded down the hallway. Looking at the options available to me and assessing my own ability to get back up again, I chose to fall face-first into the couch. It wasn’t the most comfortable, but it would work better than a chair if I fell asleep. I turned my head to face out at the rest of the living room. Through the hair draped across my face, I watched Leo’s steady steps approach me before they disappeared from my line of sight.

My body had no fight, protest, or complaint when Leo bent my legs at the knee to sit down at the opposite end of my chosen couch. He let my legs fall back into his lap and draped one of the throw blankets I’d ordered online over me. I lifted my legs a bit to tuck the blanket under my toes, which were feeling cold without my warm fuzzy socks I liked to put on in the mornings whenever the temperature dropped.

“These must be some decisions you need to make if they’re keeping you up so late,” he prompted.

I brushed my hair out of my face. “You know how Alex talked about this mysterious group he was a part of?”

“Sure.”

“I was invited to join.”

“No.”

I twisted as much as I could to shoot him a disapproving look. “You haven’t even heard anything else about it.”

He shrugged a shoulder. “Don’t care. Don’t do it.”

I considered him a moment. Instead of arguing, which I would probably still do later, I simply asked, “Why?”

“Something doesn’t sit right with me about it all.”

“I know. I feel the same.” I let out a sigh. “Which is why I feel like I should do it. Get some answers. But there’s an NDA I have to sign first, and I’m not sure what that will entail because I don’t know what I won’t be allowed to share.”

“All the more reason not to.”

I ignored his interruption. The more I put my thoughts into words, the clearer those thoughts became. “The main reason I’m considering it is to hopefully be able to talk to some people about actually helping, instead of this waiting around bullshit.”

“You won’t get anywhere.”

I frowned at him. “Why not?”

“Because a lot of men in positions of power are set in their ways and think they know best for everyone.”

“Who says it’s led by a guy?”

“It’s a woman?”

“Oh, I don’t know. But what if?”

Leo rolled his eyes. “Then maybe there’s a chance. Though not much better.”

“See? If there’s a chance, then I should do it. Decision made.”

Sometimes all it took was someone disagreeing with me for me to figure out what I really wanted. When I went to pull my feet out of Leo’s lap to crawl back into my own bed, he grabbed onto them to stop me.

“What about the NDA?”

“I mean, I plan to follow it. Mostly.”

“Explain.”

“Bossy.” I huffed a sigh, settling back into the couch, rolling onto my back. “I plan to tell you. And I’m assuming that Alex already knows the things they’ll tell me, so there’s no need for him to know that I’m telling you. I don’t need to talk to him about it.”

Something about my tone gave something away. Leo gave me a sharp look, which I wisely ignored. That was a decision I would make on my own, once I’d caught up on quality sleep.

“I guess if no one else knows you’re telling only me, that part should be okay. But I want it known that I don’t like it. It’s not a good idea.”

“But Leo,” I whined, sitting up to face him fully. “Think of what I could learn. That’s so much information we could put to good use.”

“It’s not worth it.”

“What do you mean? Of course it is!”

“No, it’s not!”

“Leo!”

“Callie! Your safety is not worth it!”

I waved him off. “I’ll be fine. As long as we only talk about things here, it’ll be a nonissue.”

He was shaking his head vehemently. “No.”

“I don’t need your permission, you know,” I pointed out. I yanked my legs off his lap and stumbled in my efforts to get vertical, the blanket half holding me hostage. Leo stood with me, grabbing the blanket in his fists. I was effectively trapped.

“No, you don’t,” he agreed. Finally, he was making some sense. “And I see your side of it. I get that you want to help people, and you think this is a way you could do it. I’m not saying you’re wrong.” He paused, debating his next words. “All I’m saying is that you’re too important to me, and all I want is for you to be safe.”

I closed my eyes, most of the fight leaving me at his admission. “I get that. But there’s other people out there, families, husbands, wives, sisters, brothers, mothers, fathers, who need their loved ones in their lives. We’re friends, yes, but…” I trailed off, biting my lip. Opening my eyes, I looked right at Leo and finished, “Friendship is important, and you are probably in the top two most important relationships in my life, including Lucie, but you’d survive without me. You’d make other friends. But to lose a parent, Leo? We both know what that’s like.”

“You’re wrong.” His voice was so soft that it took my muddled brain an extra second or two to catch up. He tilted his head to one side, ever so slightly, and added, “I don’t know that I would survive without you.”

I rolled my eyes. “Don’t be dramatic. Yes, you would.”

He let go of the blanket and I stumbled back half a step. Shaking his head, he backed away from me slowly. “You’re not getting it, and that’s okay. Another time. When you’re not dead on your feet.”

“Getting what?” I frowned up at him. Why did he have to speak in riddles? Did he not know how to give a straight answer to a poor girl who was probably minutes away from crashing?

“Go back to sleep, Callie. And please, promise me that you won’t make a decision until you’re fully conscious. For me.”

He had a point. I didn’t want to accidentally misspell my name from exhaustion, or something equally stupid, and ruin my chances.

“I promise.”

Leo nodded once, retreating to the kitchen to likely pick out one of the premade breakfasts he paid someone to have prepared every week. I hadn’t met this chef, and while I slowly shuffled with my blanket cape back towards my room I wondered why that was. Did Leo pick up the meals from somewhere else? Did the chef drop them off when I was at work, or leave them at the door perhaps?

Lucie scrambled off my bed, where she had been kneading, when I half-fell half-sat on the near side. I rolled to the middle, finding my pillow and tucking it under my head. There wasn’t even time to climb under my covers before a deep, dreamless sleep stole me away.