A child who looks like me

Jiheon couldn’t answer the doctor’s question and just gasped for breath.

“Jeong Jiheon.”

The doctor approached Jiheon again, but Jiheon flinched and instinctively recoiled. He clung to Jung Oh’s waist, breathing heavily, as if he would fall somewhere if he let go of her.

It was an extreme reaction of hypnosis resistance. It wasn’t just difficult to revive his memories; he was in a state where accessing them was entirely impossible.

Jung Oh froze at Jiheon’s intense reaction. The moment she moved even slightly, he held on tighter.

“Don’t go.”

“…”

“Stay here.”

When Jung Oh hesitated and looked at the doctor, he nodded. First, calming Jiheon was the priority. Jung Oh had no choice but to stand still, held by Jiheon.

After a long wait, Jiheon’s breathing became calmer, and the strength with which he held her loosened. Jung Oh cautiously took a step back from Jiheon.

Even in that moment, Jiheon seemed to reach for her, as if an invisible thread connected them. Jung Oh took his hand. It was a hand devoid of warmth.

“Oppa, are you okay?”

Jung Oh bent her legs and sat in front of him.

With a pale face, Jiheon gradually made eye contact, staring over Jung Oh’s shoulder.

“Should we stop here, or would you like to try a little more?”

The doctor asked carefully. Jiheon didn’t answer, so Jung Oh asked again.

“Should we call it a day?”

“…Yes.”

Jiheon replied in a tightly locked voice.

After a long while, Jiheon finally stood up from the chair. Without saying anything further, he pressed his lips together tightly and bowed to the doctor before leaving the consultation room. He walked as if wearing clothes soaked from falling into the sea, his steps heavy.

Jung Oh also greeted the doctor.

“Doctor, I’ll be leaving now. I’m sorry.”

“Not at all. Let’s have a brief call later. For now, it seems important for the patient’s peace of mind.”

The title “Mr. Jeong Jiheon” had now become “the patient.” Worried about Jiheon’s condition, Jung Oh hurriedly left without talking more with the doctor.

After leaving the consultation room, Jiheon put on his suit jacket and rummaged through his pockets. He needed to contact the driver waiting in the parking lot.

His phone was in the jacket pocket. The moment he took the phone out, he heard Jung Oh approaching from behind.

“Oppa.”

He wasn’t particularly surprised, but the strength in his fingers slipped away.

Thud.

The phone fell to the floor. Seeing Jiheon freeze again, Jung Oh quickly ran over and picked it up.

“You need to contact the driver, right? I’ll do it.”

Jiheon blankly watched as Jung Oh calmly made the call.

Why?

Why did he feel such a chilling sensation as if he were going to lose her once more right in front of him? He couldn’t understand why such absurd thoughts crossed his mind, and it made him uncomfortable.

Jiheon was led by Jung Oh’s hand as they descended to the first floor. The driver was waiting at the door.

“Are you heading to the company?”

“Yes,” Jung Oh answered the driver’s question.

After a while, once the car was moving, Jiheon finally spoke up.

“Driver.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Let’s go home.”

“To the apartment, right? Understood.”

The driver turned the car in a new direction.

Jung Oh looked back at Jiheon at his decision. He held her hand tightly and stared straight ahead, then gently closed his eyes and leaned back against the seat.

He felt so unwell that it would be difficult to return to the company.

Jung Oh felt distressed as well. She regretted suggesting the hypnosis therapy to Jiheon.

Upon arriving at the apartment, they both got out of the car. Jiheon held onto Jung Oh’s hand tightly while getting out and even when they took the elevator. He didn’t let go of her hand when opening the front door.

Once the front door opened, Jung Oh moved ahead.

“How much did you sleep last night?”

“Just enough.”

“How much is ‘enough’?”

As the questions continued, they reached the bedroom. Jung Oh pulled her hand away from Jiheon first. Just like in the consultation room, Jiheon’s empty hand moved after Jung Oh. However, she was too busy tidying up the bed to notice.

“Just lie down. You need to rest.”

Jung Oh grabbed Jiheon’s arm and forced him to sit on the bed. She helped him lift his legs onto the bed and started unbuttoning his shirt. While she tended to him, Jiheon sat still like a customer at a barber shop.

Once Jung Oh finished unbuttoning his shirt and removed it, she pulled over the blanket she had set aside.

“Even if you can’t sleep, just lie down for a bit. I’m going to get some water…”

Whoosh.

Thud.

She was just about to say she was going to get water. But Jiheon’s strong grip held her fast, pulling her onto the bed in an instant.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“No, I was just going to get some water…”

“You stay here too.”

Jiheon tightened his hold around Jung Oh’s waist and pulled her closer. He gently tucked her slightly disheveled hair behind her ear, casting his gaze in the direction his hand slid.

It seemed like he was about to say something, or perhaps he was just sorting through his thoughts, so Jung Oh remained silent, watching him.

In the meantime, he suddenly pulled her waist again. It was completely unexpected, and Jung Oh flailed her arms as if swimming in the air, being pulled back down again.

Her upper body leaned back, and her back hit the bed sheets. She tried to lay him down, but she ended up taking the spot first. Above her, the man whose shirt was stripped away cast a solid shadow.

Just a moment ago, he had looked drained like a lion that had lost its mane, but somehow, he had regained life and was radiating intense heat. The gap between those states confused her, and a sigh escaped her lips like the breath of a snow-covered day.

You need to rest.

But before she could give any advice, it felt like tears were about to come out. The heavy warmth he exuded was also conveyed to her. It was so sudden that she was left speechless and stammered.

As if responding to her gaping mouth, his lips fell silent along with his ragged breathing. It was an urgent breath, like someone who tangled their own breath yet craved artificial respiration.

Even as their breaths intertwined, his hands moved quickly, unbuttoning many buttons as if to repay the actions she had taken.

After his hands completed their task and retreated, he raised his upper body and spoke.

“As you know.”

“……”

“It’s not that I want to, but I have to.”

It was a unilateral decision. His words stopped there.

Despite the vague quality of his voice, Jung Oh couldn’t refuse.

She still couldn’t understand why he looked like he had lost something. He seemed like he hadn’t yet come out of the hypnotic state.

He resembled a wild animal that didn’t know how to cry, with its emotions trapped inside. Yet he displayed an oddly calm demeanor. Her heart raced at the sight of such contradictions. Jung Oh cautiously reached out her hand, like someone encountering an unknown beast for the first time.

Though she had made a request, deep down she wanted to receive his permission, and that mischievous thought quietly relieved her. Jiheon, having faintly regained a smile, lowered his heated upper body again.

The light filtering through the curtains enveloped her curves. When the marks left on her pale skin settled, a surge of overwhelming joy blossomed amid the accompanying guilt.

Jiheon, unable to grasp the light in his hands, longed for her as if he were a man burning with thirst. For a moment, a feeling of satisfaction that seemed to pin him down turned into a maddening thirst the next.

Jung Oh embraced the weight that pressed down on her, feeling a bit overwhelmed. It should have been a time to worry about him, but her vision spun around.

Occasionally, the unfamiliar aspects of him that she hadn’t even recognized seven years ago felt both exhilarating and frightening, yet she thought she could manage it. She embraced him in a way that only Lee Jung Oh could in this world.

When he called out, “Jung Oh,” the inside of her eyelids grew hot and damp.

Jung Oh.

Jung Oh. I must have had feelings I was hiding from you.

When you said you were pregnant, I probably felt joy secretly while worrying about you.

Finally being able to bind you to my side.

It was a shameful selfishness. Feelings that shouldn’t be revealed to her.

But still, Jiheon wanted to hold her tighter and claim her more, with an insatiable desire. He felt a thirst for things that couldn’t go his way. He didn’t know how to control it. Even if he did, he wanted to remain ignorant forever.

Unable to do anything about the person already next to him, his insides burned. Perhaps that feeling was a more terrible addiction than love.

.*. *. *. *. *. *.

Seung-kyu came down to the first floor of the company, waiting after hearing that Jiheon and Jung Oh had left the counseling center, and unexpectedly ran into someone. It was Chae Eun-yeop.

Chae Eun-yeop’s law firm had recently severed ties with Max Planning, so Seung-kyu couldn’t understand why he was still loitering around here. He tried to ignore him, but Eun-yeop stepped closer and spoke.

“It’s been a while, Park Seung-kyu.”

It had been a while, but his nonchalant attitude was the same. Seung-kyu shot back coldly.

“Why are you loitering around here?”

“Do you think this is only your company?”

“……”

“How do you work with such a narrow mindset?”

Though the truth was unclear, it was possible that he had come looking for another company, since many firms shared a building.

Seung-kyu turned away, inwardly fuming that he couldn’t kick Eun-yeop out of the lobby. Jiheon had left with the driver, so he would appear in the first-floor lobby. All he could do was hope not to run into Eun-yeop then.

After taking a few steps, Eun-yeop’s voice came again from behind Seung-kyu.

“Parasite-like bastard.”

“What?”

“What are you getting so worked up about? As if you’ve never heard that kind of talk before.”

Seung-kyu, reacting, approached again.

“Park Seung-kyu, you’re just getting close because of Jung Ji-heon’s money, right? Don’t you think Jung Ji-heon sees you that way?”

Eun-yeop grinned with a smirk and continued.

“I don’t know how close you were in the army, but Jiheon probably doesn’t even remember. How can he tell whether you pretended to be close when you came to the hospital on purpose? It’s laughable that you’ve become a parasite leeching off of the Seonryeon Group for seven years while pretending to have true friendship.”

Seung-kyu couldn’t contain his anger and grabbed the collar of Eun-yeop. Eun-yeop smiled as if challenging him to hit him. Seung-kyu knew that was his trick. He grimaced and released his grip.

.*. *. *. *. *. *.

Jiheon’s eyelids were trembling, as if he was in a light sleep. She hoped he wouldn’t feel pain in his dreams, but somehow she was worried that he might be having a nightmare.

Should I wake you up if you’re having a nightmare? No, but that’s also your precious rest, so maybe I should leave you alone.

Loving someone comes with a lot of worries.

Jung Oh found herself lost in thought, recalling the other side of him she had seen in the counseling room today.

Is it possible that your depths hold not only memories of loving me but also the pain of leaving me behind?

After watching for a while, Jung Oh got up and went to the living room to contact the doctor. The doctor spoke in a serious tone.

[It seems there is considerable trauma from the accident seven years ago. The shock from that time might be blocking the recovery process.] “……”

[The fact that there’s a reaction to the past is a positive sign. However, I think treatment should come before trying to retrieve those memories.] “Yes, I think so too. If the process of recalling those memories is this painful, it might be better not to do it.”

Jung Oh cautiously shared her thoughts.

[It would be quite difficult like this. But even if I’m not there, treatment is essential.] “……”

[Still, I’m glad that Jung Oh is relying on you a lot. Please continue to support him.] “What should I do now?”

[Talk to him a lot. Make him laugh, and help him feel comfortable. It would also be good to show Jung Ji-heon your honest feelings. For now, that alone will have a positive impact on him.] The doctor kindly gave the advice that Jung Oh and Jiheon needed right now before hanging up. After the call, Jung Oh returned to the bedroom.

By then, Jiheon had woken up and was sitting on the bed. His slightly anxious gaze settled upon seeing Jung Oh’s face.

“Why are you awake? Go back to sleep.”

“Come here too.”

As Jung Oh sat on the edge of the bed, Jiheon pulled her waist closer.

“No, I have to go see Yena.”

“Oh, right.”

“No. You can lie down.”

As he attempted to get up with his heavy body, Jung Oh stopped him.

“You’ve had a tough time.”

She wanted him to rest for now.

“Jung Ji-heon.”

“……”

“I love you.”

Jiheon froze at the sudden confession amidst the stillness. Should she say his heart throbbed?

……So this is how it feels.

This was the first time she had said “I love you” first.

“Say it again.”

“I love you.”

“……Again.”

“I love you.”

She continued the confession, as if she could give him whatever he wanted. It felt like the soot stuck in her body was being washed away by the refreshing confession. Jiheon held her waist tightly, trying hard not to show tears.

So this is what it means to say “I love you.” So this is what gratitude feels like.

“Say it again.”

“I love you. Oppa.”

With each confession, she wanted to add, “Thank you for loving me.” But Jiheon, filled with tension, took only what he wanted. It was fascinating that love returned to him, as if it were originally his, without needing to express gratitude or reciprocate.

Am I still in a dream?

Having you by my side still feels like a dream.

Jung Oh.

Thank you for loving me.

If there’s a next life for us, I hope I can remember you this time. I don’t want to forget anymore. Now let me remember you. I will come to you.