NOVEL WEB Chapter 308-315
Chapter 308: Can We Go Back to How We Were Before? (8)
There were infinite things Ji Yi didn’t understand and was confused about which floated and knocked around endlessly in her heart. Those feelings made her calm heart enter complete chaos.
No matter how she thought about it, she couldn’t understand why He Jichen changed so dramatically. She started to grow agitated, so she got up from the sofa and headed over to the counter nearby to get some air outside.
Seeing Ji Yi move, Chen Bai followed suit without bothering her, so he kept a comfortable distance away from her.
He saw her walk over to the entrance to the balcony and she stopped going any further. Instead, she found a place to stand nearby and paused there.
Ji Yi reached her hand out, wanting to push the balcony door open, but just as she raised her fingers, she saw He Jichen’s back standing here through the glass doors.
The outline of his body looked a little hazy considering there were no lights on the balcony, so she relied on the rays of light from the room which were rather faint.
With a cigarette lit between his fingers, he looked like something was troubling him.
All of a sudden, Ji Yi stopped in her tracks and stared firmly at He Jichen through the glass for a while. Just when she withdrew her gaze and was about to pretend she wasn’t there by turning to leave, He Jichen suddenly turned around. He flicked the ashes of the cigarette between his fingers into the ashtray on the table nearby.
He caught a glimpse of Ji Yi from the corner of his eyes and thought she was an illusion for a second. He stopped, looked up, and before Ji Yi could return his gaze, their eyes accidentally met.
With the light shining from He Jichen’s back, Ji Yi couldn’t clearly see the expression in his eyes, but she knew he was looking at her. Her heart suddenly skipped a beat.
Because Ji Yi was caught by He Jichen, she hesitated for a moment but figured that all she could do was give up on leaving now. She gently pushed the door open.
Her actions seemed to alarm He Jichen as he stared at her, eyes blinking, and he hastily put out the cigarette into the ashtray.
Ji Yi stepped onto the balcony and shut the door behind her. “Why are you here on your own?” said Ji Yi with an overly cautious tone of voice.
“Stayed in the room for too long. It was getting a little stuffy, so I came out to get some air,” said He Jichen, who was standing in the center of the balcony. He shuffled aside to the banister to give Ji Yi some room.
After Ji Yi walked over and came to a stop, he spoke again. “What about you? Why are you out here?”
“Same. I came out to get some air.” Ji Yi turned her head and glanced over at He Jichen.
He Jichen gave a gentle nod but didn’t say anything.
At that moment, Ji Yi didn’t know what to say to He Jichen, and the balcony was engulfed with a deafening silence.
After about a minute, the two of them felt the atmosphere was a little tense, so they spoke at the same time.
He Jichen: “Tod…”
Ji Yi: “Did…”
They both heard the other speak, so they both stopped.
She wanted to let him continue speaking, and he wanted to let her continue speaking, so there was a long wall of silence.
“To…” Just as He Jichen spoke to break the deadlock they were in, Ji Yi had the same thought: “Did…”
The two of them didn’t continue on but this time, He Jichen didn’t stay silent and said graciously, “You go first.”
Ji Yi didn’t decline modestly and asked, “Did you arrange for all this?” She desperately wanted to know the truth.
He Jichen knew that Ji Yi was referring to the surprise birthday party. He didn’t deny it. He gave a gentle nod and responded with an “Mhm.” About three seconds later, he asked, “Did you like it?”
Chapter 309: Can We Go Back to How We Were Before? (9)
“Yeah,” answered Ji Yi honestly.
She really did like it. She had forgotten just how long it had been since she received a pleasant surprise like this.
Hearing her answer made He Jichen feel overjoyed as he stared right at the night scenery in front of him. The corners of his lips seemed to vaguely curve upwards and his voice sounded relaxed as he said, “Good. As long as you like it…”
His voice sounded naturally pleasing, but with this intonation, it made Ji Yi’s heart race. She couldn’t help turning her head and glancing over at him. Then, all the confusion and suspicions she had in the room earlier filled her heart once again. She pursed her lips and hesitantly asked, “He Jichen, why… did you do it?”
Her question came a little suddenly, so He Jichen didn’t quite know how to react and looked clearly caught off guard.
Ji Yi spoke again. “We obviously…”
Ji Yi didn’t quite know what she wanted to say next, so all she did was say those two words and stopped.
He Jichen understood what she meant. He knew she wanted to say that obviously their relationship was awful and he treated her terribly, so how did that change overnight?
Yes. He admitted his attitude towards her changed a little quickly. Rather than saying his attitude quickly changed, one might say that he had completely come to terms with her.
When he saw that she risked her life, under his watch, just to retaliate to Qian Ge and protect herself, he felt sorry for her and he blamed himself.
When he learned that she almost lost her life on the operating table four years ago as a result of their drunken night together, he felt remorseful and a sense of lingering fear.
On that night when he couldn’t control his own emotions and held her tightly in his arms, he learned that to truly love someone wasn’t to possess them but to hope that they were happy.
Whatever honor and grievances he had were all tossed away. He just wanted for her to be happy, to make her happier…
Ji Yi looked at He Jichen but didn’t say anything. Seeing how difficult it was for him to get the words out, she suddenly thought back to his apology that night.
Four years ago, she confessed to the wrong person, and the first thing he said to her was, “Name a price.” She didn’t want anything from him and just evaporated from his world…
At that thought, Ji Yi looked like she just understood something. She stopped waiting for He Jichen to talk and said, “…You did all this just to make it up to me?”
Make it up to her? In her eyes, she thought I did all this out of guilt just to make it up to her?
A pang of sadness filled He Jichen’s eyes. “No… not to make it up to you, but…”
Mid-sentence, He Jichen suddenly stopped the last half of the sentence from coming out: Because I like you, and I just want you to be happy.
Like… She took my good-will for some kind of compensation, so if I tell her that I like her, how would she ever believe me?
Who’s to say she won’t turn around and try to get herself out of trouble after I tell her? She may not have any feelings for me and, after so much difficulty to bring us closer, she might try to pull further away.
He Jichen’s fingers instinctively curled into a fist as he tried hard to resist the painful feeling inside. He stared straight ahead and changed his sincere words to say: “…no no, not to make it up to you. Well.. not just to make it up to you…”
Not just to make it up to you… so it did have something to do with making it up to her or maybe it was because they’d known each other for some time. It could be just like how she hated He Jichen’s guts but she never forgot that he was once her most important friend back at Sucheng Yizhong.
Chapter 310: Can We Go Back to How We Were Before? (10)
“Ji Yi…” said He Jichen again, but with a fleetingness to his voice.
Ji Yi pushed her thoughts away and silently turned to look at He Jichen.
He Jichen knew she was looking at him but he didn’t turn to look back at her. He looked as though he was seriously contemplating something as he stared firmly ahead for a couple seconds before continuing to say, “…Can we go back to how we were before?”
It seemed like Ji Yi’s pressure points had been pressed! Every now and then, she suddenly blinked quickly while staring at He Jichen, standing completely still.
What did he say?
Did he say “Can we go back to how we were before?”
Before? When’s that?
He Jichen knew what she was thinking as though he had the ability to read minds. The second after those questions flashed across her mind, he said, “Go back to the seventeen-year-old you and the eighteen-year-old me.”
“Go back to that summer; go back to that summer when we were best friends at Sucheng Yizhong; go back to when I could call you Xiao Yi and when you weren’t scared of me like other people. That same summer you dared to call me He Jichen without holding back…”
His voice sounded just as beautiful as always, but there was a slight tremble as though he was nervous and scared about something.
Ji Yi’s heart quivered gently as she listened on.
He Jichen knew full and well just how weak he sounded as he spoke.
He was afraid she’d tell him that he had the wildest thoughts and that she’d reject his suggestion.
But he paused for a moment then continued to ask, “…Is that okay? Can we go back to the He Jichen and Ji Yi from before?”
Is that okay? Can we go back to the He Jichen and Ji Yi from before?
As He Jichen said this, Ji Yi’s heart gently asked herself.
The past He Jichen was once the most important person in Ji Yi’s heart.
But time passed, and so many things happened between them. He wasn’t the same He Jichen as before, nor was she the same Ji Yi as before.
Could we go back to how we were before?
She had to admit that he cared about her deep down and he was treating her quite well now. However, she couldn’t forget all the pain and humiliation he put her through in the past, so… Could she really write off all the unpleasantness between them?
Ji Yi never thought about this question, so she repeatedly asked herself deep down without finding an answer.
Her silence made He Jichen’s heart sink little by little.
It wasn’t a confession but an innocent call for peace. Is this unacceptable too?
Is she going to say “No, we can’t”?
He Jichen’s heart suddenly panicked for a moment. He said something to break the awkward tension in the air. “It’s alright. If you don’t know how to answer me, you can choose not to answer…”
With that, a pang of sadness came over He Jichen’s handsome face and his voice faded a little. “…One day, when you have the answer, you can tell me then. It’s alright, I can wait.”
A stabbing pain suddenly came over Ji Yi’s heart for a moment.
He Jichen didn’t wait for Ji Yi’s reaction. The second he finished talking, he immediately pulled out a gift box in front of Ji Yi and changed the subject. “Happy birthday.”
Is this my birthday present?
Ji Yi, who still hadn’t completely come back from what He Jichen said, was stunned for two seconds before she reached over to accept it. Just as she was about to softly say, “Thanks,” the balcony door was pushed open and she heard Tang Huahua’s voice. “Xiao Yi, why are you hiding here? I’ve been looking for you for so long to go sing…”
Chapter 311: “Within Your Radius” (1)
Tang Huahua barged in energetically, but when she saw He Jichen, she suddenly stopped what she was going to say. She hesitated for two seconds as though she realized that she had disturbed Ji Yi and He Jichen. She hurriedly walked over to Ji Yi and acted like a reserved lady as she greeted He Jichen. “…He Xuezhang, you’re here too?”
He Jichen gave Tang Huahua a gentle nod without the slightest hint of annoyance on his handsome face.
“Errr, if you two are busy, then I’ll head…” Tang Huahua pointed back into the room. Before she could finish saying “in first,” Ji Yi said, “What’s up?”
“Nothing, just wanted you to come sing with us,” said Tang Huahua.
Ji Yi turned to look at He Jichen. “Then, she and I will head in first.”
He Jichen nodded slightly and let out a soft “Mhm.”
Ji Yi didn’t stay there for long as she walked over to Tang Huahua’s side. When she was about ready to pull Tang Huahua’s arm and walk back into the room, Tang Huahua looked over at He Jichen and said, “He Xuezheng, everybody’s singing. Do you want to come sing a song?”
Having known He Jichen for so many years now, Ji Yi had never seen him sing once. Even during the years when they were on their best terms, they went to KTV countless times, and no matter how kindly people invited him to sing, he always had the same uninterested look on his face.
So after Ji Yi heard Tang Huahua’s enthusiastic invitation, the first thought in her mind was how He Jichen would definitely put on the same uninterested expression.
But she never imagined that He Jichen would actually slap her in the face with an: “Alright.”
Alright… He Jichen’s actually going to sing? Ji Yi was completely astonished as she stared at He Jichen.
Tang Huahua wasn’t the least bit surprised but was immediately delighted when she heard He Jichen accept. “Then, He Xuezhang, come in with us.”
He Jichen didn’t make a sound as he straightened up and walked into the room.
“Let’s go.” Ji Yi didn’t yet snap back to her senses from the shock until Tang Huahua dragged Ji Yi’s arm and spoke again. She quickly composed herself and followed Tang Huahua into the room.
Bo He was in front of the song selection counter when she saw Tang Huahua dragging Ji Yi over. From a quite a far distance away, she screeched, “What would you all like to sing?”
Rather than singing with Ji Yi, Tang Huahua seemed even more interested in hearing what He Jichen wanted to sing. “He Xuezhang also wants to sing. Let him go first!”
With that, Tang Huahua turned her head and looked over at He Jichen. “He Xuezhang, what do you want to sing? I’ll help you select the song.”
“Thank you, I can do it,” replied He Jichen politely to Tang Huahua. Then he walked over to the song selection counter…
Bo He hurriedly made way.
He Jichen didn’t sit where Bo He just sat but instead, he bent over and tapped the song selection screen a few times.
The big screen instantly turned dark. He Jichen grabbed the microphone and walked over to the center. When he stood firmly in place, the screen lit up and a pleasant melody started to play.
About ten seconds later, the song name popped up: “Within Your Radius.”
Then He Jichen raised the microphone to his mouth and as the song title faded away, lyrics appeared at the bottom of the screen. He Jichen’s singing voice traveled around each corner of the room.
Chapter 312: “Within Your Radius” (2)
“Within Your Radius.” Ji Yi heard this song before; the emotions in this song were as deep as the ocean.
He Jichen had a beautiful voice, but his tone sounded rather cold. Before he sang, Ji Yi had doubts about whether he could deliver the emotions of the song.
But when he really started to sing, Ji Yi realized that her doubts were simply a joke.
He didn’t just nail the intonation – he even captured the meticulous emotions just as well as the original singer.
Ji Yi wasn’t the only one whose attention was on He Jichen. One after the other, everyone in the room was also drawn to him.
Besides the sweet sound of his singing, the room was silent; nothing else was heard.
He Jichen lowered his eyes and didn’t even look at the people in front of him. All he did was focus fully on singing his song.
After the first half of the song was finished, the tempo in the middle of the song was a little long. He changed positions slightly and waited for a while before he raised the microphone to his mouth again. “It feels stifling, there’s no meaning in forcing it. I’m not considered selfish, and I’m learning ever more that loving you is my business…”
As the words “loving you is my business” slipped between his teeth, He Jichen suddenly thought back to that night when Han Zhifan called him. He remembered how devastated and guilt-ridden he was and how he slapped himself hard on the face twice because he blamed himself.
That was when he learned that loving her was just his one-sided story.
“Rather than be in a world where you don’t want me, why not forget you completely, everybody knows this principle, it’s easy to say it~ to be stubborn even loving you through and through.”
Four years ago, he wanted to confess to her after graduation, but before he could even make a move, he found out he wasn’t the person she wanted.
He was jealous, angry, and felt hard done by. He arrogantly thought that if the person she loved wasn’t him then why not just have it over and done with? He wanted to make a clean break between the two of them. That way, he’d be hurt, and so would she.
He thought that considering how they parted on such bad terms, their story was over. However, after she left Sucheng, he started to think about her every night and day, and he was drunk for a whole month. That was when he understood the whole picture. He thought their story was over, but in actuality, it was just an unfinished ending yet to be continued.
He couldn’t let it be over so quickly, but he would never openly admit that he regretted it.
“I would rather stay within your radius, at least to be able to feel your sadness and happiness, when you need me, I can be there for you.”
“You don’t want me in your world, Why don’t I just find someone to replace you, It’s a shame that I don’t listen to those who persuade me otherwise”
Later on, he entered a prestigious school.
As usual, he was the main attraction of that school, but now he didn’t have Ji Yi by his side who he used to try so hard to pamper.
“Laoda” still existed in university, but she wasn’t there, nor was his youthful hot-blooded nature, nor the kind of setting where people called him “Chen Ge.” He didn’t want that anymore.
At first, he clearly became a “Laoda” for He Yuguang, but in the end, he realized that there was no reason for “Laoda” to exist. All he wanted to do was spoil her to infinity.
Without her, he was in no mood to smile at women. It wasn’t until then that he realized just how he missed those days by her side, or at the very least, those days when he was able to feel her sadness and happiness.
At the time, he felt really regretful but he’d never admit it. Even though he secretly ran over to Beijing to see her once a month.
Chapter 313: “Within Your Radius” (3)
“I would rather stay within your radius, should my heart not return to me, then it is yours.”
“You can choose to love me or not, I am still yours no matter what.”
As he said this, He Jichen’s eyes suddenly looked up and slowly fell on Ji Yi.
She happened to be looking at him. When their eyes met, he didn’t stop singing: “Because I love you, that has nothing to do with you.”
He was too stubborn, too proud, and he regretted it a long time ago, but he didn’t dare admit it. He dragged it on and on. He kept it up even when Qian Ge hit Ji Yi when she was down. He kept it up when she was laying in bed in a coma for three years. He kept it up even after he transferred to B-Film and wasn’t willing to yield to her.
He just had to wait until he saw her hurt herself in retaliation to Qian Ge. He had to wait until he learned that she almost lost her life because of him before he started feeling remorse.
He was the one who matured too slowly. He learned this too late, and learned to love too late…
… In the process of “like” turning into “love” for him, he made her suffer immense pain and misery.
He wanted to say these words to her so badly. However, when he came to this realization, they were already far too away from each other and she had already stopped believing his words.
He didn’t like singing, nor did he ever sing. But this song was just an idea that came to his mind.
He only wanted to say the words he had on his mind earlier on the balcony, so he turned them into a song for her to hear.
“My love spreads within your radius.”
When the music stopped, the only thing that could be heard was the gentle sound of He Jichen’s voice into the microphone.
“It’s so close, I can hear you breathing.”
His eyes were still staring firmly at Ji Yi with infinitely deep emotions. As he sang, those emotions slowly overflowed from within his body.
“As long as you turn around, I am right here.”
Ji Yi… until this very moment, I only just learned that my love for you is complete. Whether you love me or not isn’t important.
The singing stopped, and the gentle music started to play again.
He Jichen didn’t put the microphone down from his lips, but he kept the same position as before and kept his gaze locked on Ji Yi.
Even though they were some distance away, Ji Yi could clearly feel the heat in his eyes as if all the warmth and light in the entire room came together.
She wasn’t sure if it was just an illusion, but she actually felt his eyes talking to her.
She stared back at him and was unwittingly enraptured by him…
As the end of the song played, He Jichen softly read the lyrics in his heart one more time.
He knew he was singing for the only woman in his eyes.
“I would rather stay within your radius. Should my heart not return to me, it is yours.”
“You can choose to love me or not, I am still yours no matter what.”
“As long as you turn around, I am right here. Because I love you, that has nothing to do with you.”
As he read the final lines, He Jichen started to tear up in his eyes.
“Xiao Yi, I will wait for you in the years we have yet to spend together.”
“Xiao Yi, I’m in love with you, in a time you’re unaware of.”
“There’s a saying that you definitely don’t know just how much I like: ‘My name has your surname.'”
The music disappeared.
The entire room fell remarkably silent. There wasn’t even the sound of breathing.
About a minute passed before someone came back to their senses from He Jichen’s singing, reached their hands up and clapped.
Then the clapping in the room grew and people started to cheer.
In the midst of all the excitement, He Jichen and Ji Yi’s eyes were glued tightly to one another; still yet to part.
Chapter 314: “Within Your Radius” (4)
He Jichen’s eyes dragged Ji Yi into an ocean of tranquility as she couldn’t hear any of the lively cheers and clapping from around them. In that very moment, she forgot where she was and what actually happened just now. All she did was stare, transfixed by He Jichen’s eyes. The world around her was completely empty aside from the two of them.
His eyes were like a vast ocean of stars which hid the deep clarity and brightness of his perfection. They glowed a faint yet penetrating glow as though there was a mystical power calling for her to plunge in. She had no control and no way to resist it as she fell deeper and deeper until she entered his world within.
In that same instant, her breathing and heartbeat both disappeared – even the blood coursing through her entire body stopped.
She vividly felt her chest stifled from holding her breath for too long, but she just couldn’t breathe.
In a haze, she vaguely felt someone talking to her beside her ear, but she simply couldn’t hear anything.
In that very moment, the only thing left to do in her life aside from staring at him was still to keep staring at him.
Just when Ji Yi thought she would faint from holding her breath for so long, someone pulled hard on her arm, violently shaking her unflinchingly dazed body.
Her eyes broke from his gaze and looked over at the big screen, which showed the MVP winner’s screen. As the picture entered her eyes, she slowly realized that the person she heard screaming excitedly was Tang Huahua. “Xiao Yi! So hot, He Xuezhang is so, sooo cool! He’s so cool I’m gonna die!!”
As Tang Huahua said this, she hugged and laid her head on Ji Yi’s shoulder like a little cat, rubbing against her cutely and crying “waaa-waaa-waaa.”
Ji Yi’s whole body shivered as she completely came to her senses.
Then she realized just how long she and He Jichen had been staring at each other for…
Her gaze instinctively drifted over to He Jichen’s face. His enigmatic yet impossible to read eyes were still staring right at her.
It was just one shared look, but Ji Yi felt like her own soul was being sucked away. She was so frightened that she quickly turned her head to avoid He Jichen’s eyes. But even so, she could still feel him staring at her and under his gaze, she clearly felt the warm blood rush up from the soles of her feet. For some reason, she felt flustered and helpless. Under the urgent circumstances, she pushed away Tang Huahua, who was glued to her body, then turned to run out. Without turning back, she headed for the direction of the restroom and ran.
Rushing into the restroom, she opened the cubicle door completely disregarding the people in front of her, but before she could say “sorry,” she jumped in first and slammed the door with a “bang!” She leaned against the cold wall of the toilet stall as she patted her chest and started taking big breaths.
But no matter how hard she tried to breathe, she was still breathing too hard and fast. It still felt like she was lacking air.
She was having such a hard time that she continued to circle the toilet. After sitting on the toilet for some time, she stood on it for a bit. She was in so much anguish that she stuck her face to the wall for some time. She went crazy and seemed frantic like that for a long while before her breathing finally calmed down. However, the rhythm of her heartbeat was still as chaotic.
Chapter 315: “Within Your Radius” (5)
She rubbed her chest non-stop for a long while before finally calming down.
When she came out of the restroom and returned to the hall, He Jichen had already left the KTV stage. Instead, there was an actress and actor singing “Hiroshima Mon Amour” together.
Ji Yi turned her gaze to find Tang Huahua and Bo He in front of the tall windows. She saw Han Zhifan and Chen Bai standing together with He Jichen.
He had lost the rush of emotions he felt earlier when he was singing. Instead, he had his usual cold and proud look on.
Chen Bai and Han Zhifan must be quite close because the two of them were chatting enthusiastically away as they revealed smiles on their faces every now and then. He Jichen looked like he wasn’t even listening to them. While they laughed away, his brows didn’t even flinch.
There was a tall glass in his hands. Every now and then, he put it to his mouth as he held his majestically attractive stance.
He seemed even more charismatic now than he was when he was young; he was calm yet had a sinister air about him. He was practically the most fatal poison for women… As Ji Yi stared at He Jichen, she couldn’t help but secretly size up his body. He must’ve felt someone watching him as he turned his head in her direction.
Ji Yi was afraid He Jichen would catch her gaze, so she hurriedly turned her eyes away and continued to look for Tang Huahua and Bo He.
The corner of her eyes met He Jichen’s gaze by accident. It was just for a second, but Ji Yi’s breathing started to grow erratic.
Ji Yi breathed hastily. She took a deep breath, then another, and when she finally found Tang Huahua and Bo He, she was able to breathe properly again.
She rushed over to the two of them with a thought on her mind: how strange. Does He Jichen have the ability to cut off oxygen to my body? How come I randomly lose my breath whenever I see him tonight?
–
Tang Huahua and Bo He were personally invited by He Jichen to celebrate Ji Yi’s birthday with her, but they had to return to Beijing the next morning. Ji Yi was afraid to stay too long and make it hard for them to get up the next morning for their flight, so she escorted them back to their hotel at ten in the evening.
After Ji Yi finished freshening up, she laid in bed. Tang Huahua went into the bathroom, and Bo He hid in the corridors, talking on the phone.
Th only one left in the room was Ji Yi. She picked up her phone and glanced at the message she sent to “He Yuguang” half an hour ago. She still hadn’t received a reply. She casually opened Weibo and discovered that there was nothing much to see, so she put the phone down. Then she remembered that she hadn’t opened tonight’s birthday presents, so she climbed out of bed, ran over to the desk, and started to open the presents.
Chen Bai gave her a sun hat that was popular online.
Chen Weiwan gave her a model of something related to her story.
Han Zhifan wasn’t close to her, but he gave her a present also. Capitalists are rich, so he bought her a set of expensive cosmetics…
…
It wasn’t until she was about to finish opening all her presents when Ji Yi remembered that she still had a present in her bag. It was from He Jichen.
She hastily pulled it out – it was a delicate, small blue box. Inside was a necklace with two of the same words engraved on the back: Ji.
Ji? He Jichen is so weird. Why did he just have it engraved with “Ji” and not add “Yi”?
Ji Yi was stroking the necklace with curiosity when she received a message on her phone. She ran over to her bedside and picked up her phone. “He Yuguang” finally replied to her: “Just finished with work. What are you doing?”
“Opening presents,” replied Ji Yi honestly.
As she said that, Ji Yi took a photo of the necklace in her hand and sent it to “He Yuguang.”