A Billion Stars Can’t Amount to You

Chapter 192: I Wish You Would Be Lost Forever and Come To My Side (2)

Believe…

So this is the warm feeling you get when someone stands up to say they believe you after you’ve been seriously misunderstood by someone else.

The night before, He Jichen made her feel so aggrieved and she tried her best to endure it all on her own. She never thought to share these hardships to anyone, but at this very moment, “He Yuguang”‘s word, “believe,” effortlessly broke her armor and softened her heart.

She stared at “He Yuguang” with warm and tender eyes. She was so moved that the rims of her eyes ached a little. Afraid she would lose control and suddenly cry, she quickly blinked.

“Manman, if you’re hurt, you can tell me. No matter what it is, I’ll be here for you.” It felt like there was something lodged in He Jichen’s throat, suffocating him. After a lot of effort, he typed that into his phone.

He Jichen pushed the phone in front of Ji Yi.

She raised her head slightly to look over at the phone.

Though it was just a simple line, she stared at it for so long. He didn’t notice her fingers tremble gently.

He Jichen knew she finished reading, so he pulled the phone back.

When she was young, every time she encountered any troubles, she told Yuguang Ge everything. After so many years, he was still willing to listen to her chatter…

A strong pounding started in Ji Yi’s heart.

In that very instant, it felt like time had turned back. Without thinking twice, she complained to “He Yuguang” just like when they were young. “Yuguang Ge, I’m not the woman he says I am. I didn’t go see Lin Zhengyi to find a new path for myself because ‘Three Thousand Lunatics’ stopped production over the lost investment…”

This was what she wanted to tell He Jichen that night at the Four Seasons Hotel, but seeing him like that made her instantly not want to explain herself to him.

Which went to say that back then, she was really disheartened.

If someone trusted you, what need was there to explain yourself? If a person trusted you, what use was there to further explain yourself?

Ji Yi stopped for a moment, twitched her lips and said quietly, “…I went to see Lin Zhengyi because he was the only one I could find. In this industry, I don’t know many rich people. What’s more, even if I did know anyone, they might not be interested in investing. As for Lin Zhengyi, I had other ways that could persuade him.”

Though she didn’t mention what other ways, He Jichen knew exactly what she meant after secretly listening to the recording last night.

“How all this happened had nothing to do with me, but I feel like he got into trouble to help me. I just felt so sorry that I wanted to help him, but I never thought that as soon as he showed up, he would say I’m that kind of woman without even asking me what happened…”

Even though it happened two days ago, Ji Yi still felt powerless and hurt at the mention of that night.

Perhaps she was too absorbed in what she said that she didn’t notice that the man in front of her turned a little pale.

And perhaps she spoke too fluidly, but she naturally followed by complaining, “…He doesn’t even know just how much I drank just to get a chance to be alone with Lin Zhengyi.”

Chapter 193: I Wish You Would Be Lost Forever and Come To My Side (3)

“I didn’t want to drink at all, but there was nothing I could do. Lin Zhengyi said he would only talk to me alone as long as I drank all that…”

So, that was why he saw those videos of her drinking one glass after another…

And the only reason she did that was just so she could speak to Lin Zhengyi alone. She had those recordings to negotiate a trade with Lin Zhengyi for his reinvestment into “Three Thousand Lunatics.”

But what about him? Not only did he misunderstand her, he even treated her so horrifically…

Despite having guessed that he made a mistake earlier yesterday night, He Jichen was unbelievably devastated and felt like a wild beast inside was tearing him apart when he heard what Ji Yi said. A sharp pain attacked every vein and cell of his.

So, unknownst to him, she really did care about him.

But her good will was brutally trampled on.

Although she never really liked to argue with him, it was no wonder that she became so sharp-tongued that night. He even thought she was really hateful to speak with such confidence. It seemed she must’ve been so devastated so she spoke out of anger!

No wonder when he left, she didn’t want to stay a single second longer in the Four Seasons Hotel and also left.

No wonder after he spent a whole day and night looking for her, he found her so distraught…

The more He Jichen thought about it, the more his whole body felt an unbearable pain. It became harder to breathe and his fingers trembled so much that he couldn’t muster any strength.

Deep in her own train of thought, she didn’t even notice how strange “He Yuguang” was. She lowered her eyes and stared at the old wooden desk for some time before continuing to say, “…I knew that if I wasn’t drunk, Lin Zhengyi wouldn’t let me leave the party room, so I deliberately pretended to be drunk. I was afraid he’d figure things out, and he.. he…”

Ji Yi wanted to say “molested me,” but no matter how she tried, those last words couldn’t come out.

He Jichen took in every last word, and though she only stopped halfway, he knew what she wanted to say in the end.

She only willingly allowed Lin Zhengyi to embarrass her because of him…

Heartache, annoyance, regret, self-blame… an infinite variety of emotions coursed through his entire body. The muscles in his hand ached with pain, causing his phone to fall through his fingers and crash hard onto the desk with a “dong!”

Ji Yi instinctively looked up and realized that “He Yuguang”‘s face had turned utterly pale.

“Yuguang Ge, what’s wrong?” Ji Yi completely forgot about her train of thought as she hurriedly ran over to “He Yuguang,” distraught. She grabbed his arm and said, “Yuguang Ge, are you alright?”

She knew He Yuguang had always been in poor health since he was young. After asking him, she screamed out the door, “Ayi¹, Ayi, help me call the amb…”

Before Ji Yi could say “ambulance,” He Jichen reached over and grabbed her hand to stop her.

Ji Yi looked down when she felt his touch.

He Jichen glanced over at Ji Yi then reached his phone out and opened the notes. With trembling fingers, he started to type.

1. [Honorific] Auntie, non-blood related, older woman

Chapter 194: I Wish You Would Be Lost Forever and Come To My Side (4)

He needed to be alone. He needed some time to digest what she just said, because he couldn’t stay there with her, otherwise he would definitely lose control…

With that thought, a line appeared on the phone: “I’m fine, don’t call an ambulance…”

Ji Yi stood by his side and watched as he typed every word. When she read this, she couldn’t help but say, “Yuguang Ge, you don’t look so good…”

“…Perhaps it was because I was busy working last night and didn’t rest well, so I’m going to go sleep for a while. I’ll be fine when I wake up…”

While she was talking, He Jichen typed another line of words.

After he stopped, he didn’t wait for Ji Yi to try and persuade him, but he lifted himself up using the desk and stood up from his chair.

He grabbed his phone and forced a smile at Ji Yi as he brushed past her on his way out of the study.

He stumbled slightly but walked very quickly. Seeing this, Ji Yi couldn’t help but furrow her brows. What was with Yuguang Ge? He looked really unwell, but he also looked like he was triggered…

Ji Yi stood by the desk for a while with a confused look, deep in thought. She couldn’t come up with an explanation, so she withdrew her gaze from where she had last seen “He Yuguang.”

She looked over at the untouched breakfast on the desk and instinctively walked over to it. She was about to carry it over to “He Yuguang” for him to eat after he got some rest. However, before her fingers touched the breakfast tray, her eyes caught the small card by the foot of the chair.

The small card looked familiar. When she charged into the study room, he hurriedly tried to hide the card. At the time, he was holding several of them, but because he was too flustered, he didn’t notice that one had fallen to the floor…

At the time, she vaguely saw that he was holding a card with some writing on it…

At that thought, Ji Yi withdrew her hand from the tray and walked over to the chair. She did see a card with a line of words on it.

Her eyesight wasn’t bad, but she was slightly short-sighted, so when she crouched down to pick up the card, she clearly saw the words on the back.

“I wish you would be lost forever and come to my side.”

Such a beautiful line…

Ji Yi stared at the line and turned it in her head over and over again then she flipped the card around. That was when she became completely stunned.

This little card had… a clear photo…

And the girl in the photo wore a red dress with a simple and stylish ponytail. Her smile was bright and she looked around eighteen years old. She was someone Ji Yi knew better than anyone.

Because the girl in the photo was her. It was her when she was younger.

From the background of the photo, it looked like it was taken in secret.

So, was this a photo Yuguang Ge secretly took back when I was in Sucheng?

Why did Yuguang Ge secretly take a photo of me? What’s more, why did he keep it for so many years? What’s most curious is…

As Ji Yi thought about it, she flipped the card.

I wish you would get lost forever and come to my side… This sounded so much like a confession of a secret crush…

Ji Yi stared at those words as though something brutally hit the softest part of the left side of her chest.

Could he have written this on the back of my photo for me?

Ji Yi’s heart suddenly skipped a beat then uncontrollably raced faster, beat by beat.

Chapter 195: I Wish You Would Be Lost Forever and Come To My Side (5)

Could Yuguang Ge have written this?

With that thought, Ji Yi stared earnestly at every single word. With the world “forever,” she was certain it was “He Yuguang” who wrote it.

For long period of time when they were younger, her textbook was filled with Yuguang Ge’s highlighted key points.

She was very familiar with his handwriting – he always wrote the character for “forever” with one less stroke.

Since the time she was reunited with “He Yuguang” till now, every little thing that happened between them seemed to be projected in slow motion in her mind.

When he heard her mention getting married over the phone, he suggested that they get married.

He would treat her to a meal whenever he was in Beijing.

When she had a fever while filming “Palace,” he took care of her all night, and that was how he found out that she was interested in “Three Thousand Lunatics.” Without a word, he helped her land a role in it.

Last night, when she felt the most upset, he appeared by her side. His heart ached as he protectively wiped her tears away and hugged her. He cooked for her, and just now, he even told her that he believed in her.

And then there was the card in her hands… Ji Yi couldn’t help but grip the card harder.

If she didn’t have this card, she definitely wouldn’t have those thoughts. Yet this card was here, right before her eyes, making it impossible for her not to speculate. Does He Yuguang like me?

This photo was taken of me when I was younger, so does that mean he’s secretly held onto it all these years?

Could it be that during those glorious years of secretly having a crush on him, he also liked me?

As that very thought rushed to Ji Yi’s head, she vaguely felt her lifeless heart beat for He Yuguang. Her heart died because of He Jichen four years ago, but now it was gradually coming back to life.

What’s more, this kind of throbbing felt even more intense than back in the old days.

Her heart didn’t quite feel like it was rising from the ashes, but her heart felt like it was beating all over again for another person.

So strange… Those feelings are all obviously for He Yuguang, but why does it feel so different from before?

Ji Yi crouched on the floor for some time with the photo in her hands. It wasn’t until her legs were numb that she snapped to her senses.

She pretended as though she hadn’t seen the photo and put it back by the corner of the chair, just as she found it. Then she got up and carried the tray out of the study.

The food was already cold, so she asked the hired helper to heat it up.

Ji Yi was worried because “He Yuguang” didn’t look too good when he left the study. When she stood in front of the door to his bedroom, she reached her hand out, ready to knock, when all of a sudden, she remembered the one night stand she had with He Jichen four years ago.

She was no longer the same Ji Yi from back then. She couldn’t brazenly have a crush on He Yuguang.

After that night, the two of them were destined to never have a future together…

The only reason she was in a fake marriage with He Yuguang was because she was certain that she didn’t like him as strongly as she did when they were young. However, now, everything changed…

Ji Yi’s heart became cold for a moment.

She hesitated for a moment but eventually decided to pull her hand back without knocking. SHe turned back into the bedroom.

She quickly gathered her things, and just before she stepped out, she reminded the helper to serve He Yuguang some food when he woke up. She also wanted to let him know that she had some business at the university, so she needed to rush out. With that, she put her shoes on and left “He Yuguang”‘s house.

Chapter 196: I Wish You Would Be Lost Forever and Come To My Side (6)

As she stepped out of the building, Ji Yi’s feet stopped. She turned around and stared up at the floor of “He Yuguang”‘s apartment.

She stared firmly at it for a moment before she lowered her head slightly to mask the flash of misery across her eyes.

She thought Yuguang Ge probably didn’t know about what happened between her and He Jichen four years ago. If Yuguang Ge knew she and his twin brother had sex, he definitely wouldn’t have suggested that she go through with the wedding.

Nor could she ever get involved with He Jichen’s older brother after they did it.

Rather than waiting for the day they fell harder for each other or before she couldn’t pull away from him, she thought she better get out before she became too invested. If Yuguang Ge could still control his affections, they could keep a safe distance between one another.

Now, perhaps she was a little reluctant and regretful to be in a forbidden love, but that was far better than having to leave him when she was deep in love.

By then, to cut ties would be to cut wrists; the pain would be as torturous as hovering between life and death.

At that thought, Ji Yi shut her eyes, took a deep breath, suppressed the image of the photo she saw in “He Yuguang”‘s study and sealed it into the furthest part of her heart. Then she turned around and strode out of the residential area and hailed a taxi back to the university.

–

From Lin Zhengyi’s texts, Ji Yi learned that He Jichen rejected the investment for “Three Thousand Lunatics.”

If what happened at the Four Seasons Hotel didn’t happen at all, then perhaps Ji Yi would’ve tried to persuade He Jichen to think about the bigger picture. However, she was so humiliated that night that she naturally wasn’t going to interfere. Even if a role in “Three Thousand Lunatics” could’ve shaped her career, she would rather continue to live freely and wait for an opportunity in university. She didn’t want anything from Lin Zhengyi, so she gave him all the recordings, and ended everything at that.

The news about “Three Thousand Lunatics” stopping production over investment issues buzzed around the internet for three days until news of a male celebrity cheating dialed it down.

It was already January, so it was time for final exams. Ji Yi didn’t pay too much attention to entertainment news. She spent every day either in her dorms or in the library studying.

It had been about half a month since “He Yuguang” left when she received his text saying he was coming back from his business trip to America. He was changing flights at Beijing as usual, so he asked if she was free to have dinner together.

At the time, Ji Yi was leaning against the bed head, studying English. When she saw his text, she thought about the complicated emotions she had upon leaving “He Yuguang”‘s place. She hesitated for quite some time but found an excuse to reject his invitation.

Since she decided to not have a future with him, it’d be best not to meet him.

Ji Yi put her phone down and stared at the English letters for some time before she regained her concentration again.

Final exams were over on the seventh of January, and students would be off on winter break.

Ji Yi’s home was in Beijing, so she didn’t need to pack a bunch of things into big and small bags to take to the train station like Tang Huahua and Bo He. In the late afternoon after her exams were over, she headed back to the dorms and packed all her things in less than ten minutes.

She gave Tang Huahua and Bo He goodbye hugs then carried her belongings out of the dorms.

Chapter 197: I Wish You Would Be Lost Forever and Come To My Side (7)

As Ji Yi stepped out of the university and onto the road to hail a taxi, a car drove out from the university gates. Since they were on winter break today, the roads in front of the gates were all jammed. As the car reached her side, it hit the emergency breaks following the driver in front.

The tires screeched across the ground, releasing a ear-piercing sound. Ji Yi instinctively looked up from her phone and over at the car in front of her.

From the outer appearance, she noticed it was an Audi, but she didn’t pay too much attention to it and looked down at her phone again.

About a minute later, the Audi pulled down the windows of the front passenger seat. Something from inside sprang out, flew past her, and fell exactly into the trash can beside her.

Ji Yi was so startled that she first glanced into the trash can to see that it was an extinguished cigarette butt. She then turned her head and looked over at the car before her.

While in the traffic jam, the car shifted forward a little, and she happened to coincidentally see inside through the car window.

In a black trenchcoat, a man was sitting in the driver’s seat with a cigarette in his hands. He put it to his mouth as he lit it up with a lighter.

Ji Yi couldn’t be more familiar with the handsome complexion and shockingly captivating looks under the flickering light.

She stared at his profile for some time before her gaze fell on the red bracelet on his wrist as he held the steering wheel.

After leaving on bad terms that night at the Four Seasons Hotel, this was the first time she’d seen He Jichen…

Even though it had been over twenty days since it happened, after seeing him, she couldn’t help but purse her lips.

He Jichen removed the cigarette from his mouth probably because he noticed someone was looking at him. He turned his head flatly through the cloud of cigarette smoke as he looked through the car window.

When Ji Yi shifted her gaze from the red string on He Jichen’s wrist, their eyes coincidentally met.

Her back tensed up, and her fingers around her phone turned stiff.

He Jichen didn’t think that he’d be bumping into Ji Yi there, so his eyes were evidently astonished. Then he thought about how Ji Yi didn’t like cigarette smoke, and without a second thought, he instinctively put out the cigarette he lit up.

Just as he finished, the woman standing outside the car turned her gaze away nonchalantly as though he was a complete stranger. She carried the little suitcase by her foot, walked around the back of his car, and threaded through the congested cars over to the opposite side of the road.

He Jichen’s fingers trembled as he pinched the cigarette. He instinctively opened the car door then got out.

Between the cars, he saw Ji Yi struggle to carry the suitcase as she got on the bus that happened to stop.

The bus had its own bus lane which wasn’t jammed, so it sped off really quickly until it left his line of sight.

He Jichen leaned against the car for a long time before he slowly snapped back to his senses. He turned his head and glanced over at where Ji Yi had been standing a moment ago while waiting for a taxi.

Did she give up on getting a taxi and got on the bus because she saw me?

It happened so many days ago, but is she still angry at me?

Well, she should be angry at him. It was horrible enough for him not to believe her, but then he humiliated her like that… He couldn’t face her, apologize, or beg for her forgiveness.

He Jichen stared at the empty space without so much as a flinch, like a statue.

Chapter 198: I Wish You Would Be Lost Forever and Come To My Side (8)

The traffic ahead subsided, but there was an endless amount of cars behind He Jichen. They honked with all their might, but it didn’t snap him out of it.

Someone eventually got out of their car and walked over to him. They patted his shoulder and reminded him in a rugged voice, “Hey, bro! Please stop blocking the road, alright?”

He Jichen felt someone touch him, so he slowly brought his gaze back and looked over at the person. He finally realized what was going on and he apologized before he hurriedly got into the car and drove.

After about ten minutes, He Jichen’s fingers trembled on the steering wheel as he stopped the car by the side of the road. Then he put his hand on his aching chest and rested on the steering wheel.

Sorry, I’m truly sorry… Though he knew no matter how many times he apologized, it would never make up for the pain he put her through, he had been repeating those words in his dreams all this time.

–

For the first half of the month during her winter break, Ji Yi stayed at home every day. She basically spent those days sleeping or eating, lounging around.

Usually for Chinese new year, Ji Yi spent it in Beijing. This year, Ji Yi’s mum got carried away and planned for them to spend new year’s in the warm springs of Hainan.

On Chinese new year’s eve, Ji Yi’s family flew on Hainan Airlines from Beijing to Hainan.

As the new year drew closer, there were a lot of flights, so the Ji family’s flight was delayed by half an hour. When they landed in Hainan, it was already eight in the evening.

Ji Yi’s dad booked a car. After the family picked up their baggage and walked out of the airport, they saw a driver with a sign to pick them up.

In the taxi, there was a television broadcasting the latest entertainment news.

Ji Yi and her mum sat in the back of the car, enjoying the warm breeze. Slightly tired from her long plane journey, Ji Yi shut her eyes to get some rest.

The car drove for about ten minutes before Ji Yi’s mum suddenly nudged her arm.

Ji Yi opened her eyes to see her mum pointing at the television in the car.

She instinctively turned her gaze towards it, and before she could see what was on, she heard her mum say, “Xiao Yi, look! Isn’t that Jichen?”

As Ji Yi’s mum spoke, the poster of “The Palace” that she filmed in October was the first thing she caught sight of. Then she realized that today was the opening night for “The Palace.”

In front of the poster, there was a line of people. Ji Yi immediately saw He Jichen standing tall and straight, all dressed in a suit.

Beside him was director Liang who was talking into a microphone.

The car television was silent, so Ji Yi read the subtitles and learned that director Liang was just saying a few wishful words like hoping that everyone could support “The Palace” and so forth.

The cameraman probably thought He Jichen looked very striking, so he gave him a bit of screentime. Ji Yi froze looking at He Jichen who she hadn’t seen for some time.

Ji Yi’s mum didn’t notice anything strange with Ji Yi as she continued to chatter beside her, “So Jichen came to Beijing for the movie. Say, Ji Yi, isn’t this related to what you do? Why don’t you keep in contact with Jichen? I see he’s doing well. Who knows, maybe he can help you…”

Chapter 199: I Wish You Would Be Lost Forever and Come To My Side (9)

“…Huh? Hold on a minute. Wasn’t the movie you filmed in the fall called “The Palace”? Which goes to say, you were in the same production team as Jichen… Then Ji Yi, how are you and Jichen?”

After Ji Yi’s mum talked for so long, she didn’t get any response from Ji Yi, so she couldn’t help but raise her voice. “Xiao Yi, mum is asking you a question?!”

“Alright…” replied Ji Yi half-heartedly. She turned her head and looked out the window.

They got further from the seashore, and it was getting windier, so Ji Yi rolled up the window.

Ji Yi could clearly see the reflection of the car television on the car window. The video looped endlessly and every so often, she saw the premiere for “The Palace.”

…

When they reached the hotel, Ji Yi didn’t stick around to talk with her mum and dad but she went directly to her own room.

Ji Yi wasn’t sure if it was because of seeing He Jichen on the TV, but she felt a little down, so she lay in bed in a daze for a long time before she fell asleep.

This year, there wasn’t a thirtieth of the last month of the year, so the twenty-ninth was Chinese new year’s eve.

Ji Yi’s dad booked a new year’s family dinner on the yacht, so after sleeping till the late afternoon, Ji Yi freshened up and headed for the yacht to meet her parents.

After having new year’s family dinner, Ji Yi didn’t disturb her parents and discreetly headed out to the deck to catch the ocean breeze.

Someone was setting off fireworks by the shore. Above the sea, beautiful fireworks were displayed.

She put her headphones in and listened to music as she stared in the air for far too long. Suddenly, the music in her ears paused and was replaced with a “ding.” After two seconds, the music resumed.

Ji Yi knew she received a message. She enjoyed the endless, beautiful firework display for a while longer before she brought the phone to her eyes and unlocked the screen.

It was a WeChat message from “He Yuguang” to celebrate the new year: “Happy new year, Manman.”

Even though Ji Yi restrained herself from getting too close to He Yuguang, when she received his new year’s blessings, she politely replied: “Yuguang Ge, happy new year.”

She received another message from “He Yuguang” seconds after she sent her reply: “Manman, what are you doing?”

Ji Yi: “Watching some fireworks.”

“He Yuguang”: “Have you eaten new year’s dinner yet?”

Ji Yi: “Yeah.”

“He Yuguang”: “What did you have?”

“…”

Ji Yi didn’t ask He Yuguang any questions, but she replied to whatever he asked. The two of them chatted back and forth for some time before Ji Yi excused herself with, “Mum and dad are calling me for something” and stopped chatting with “He Yuguang”.

Before Ji Yi and her parents came to Hainan, they discussed that their family of three would have new year’s eve dinner together. The next day, she would travel to Lijiang to give her parents some alone time in Hainan.

So, bright and early on the morning of the first day of the new year, Ji Yi rushed over to the airport and got on a flight to Lijiang.

Once in Lijiang, Ji Yi checked in at the hotel she booked then had lunch at the hotel restaurant. She then went back to her hotel room and got an hour’s rest in the afternoon. After she woke up, she took a shower, changed into a long dress, and took a walk around the old town.

It wasn’t until nightfall before she stopped by a restaurant with rave reviews for dinner.

As she waited for the waiter to serve her food, she reached for her phone and browsed Weibo to pass the time before she was drawn to a headline: