When Your Pain Becomes Mine

Ojae’s laughter echoed through the office, but Gyeonhui’s face was still sinking. For three months, thoughts about her didn’t go away. It seemed as if he was going crazy with a mixture of annoyance, anxiety, nostalgia, and anger.

“… After all, you’re the same. It just took a little longer this time.”

He bit his lower lip and muttered to himself.

***

Near Santiago Compostela. The dirt was wet because of the rain at the night before.

“Hu. Let’s keep the pace up.”

She relied on a wooden stick to assert herself. The knee pads wrapped around her ankles, and long rods were her pilgrimage companions for three months. She noticed that a large arrow came into view in the middle of the road. It was an arrow made out of stones from the pilgrims who first passed by. When she looked around, she saw these arrows all around. She’d never get lost.

‘It’s amazing.’

In retrospect, they were pilgrims who walked this path with numerous difficulties and a lot of distress. At least once in their lives, they were lost. Here, they were the stray lambs who chose this place. Nevertheless, since they were lost here, Sun managed to find her way.

‘Life is ironic.’

Sun walked again with a bitter smile. As she walked a little more, she noticed a charming city full of orange roofs.

“Finally… this is the last place.”

The end of the pilgrimage route was the final stop, Compostela. Sun was delighted as she stepped into the city. It felt like the time was permeated in the stone. Soon after, she noticed the cathedral of Santiago. Unlike the ornate European temples, they looked as rustic as the monasteries. However, in the appearance of the rustic cathedral, the heart of Sun began to be rather peaceful. It wasn’t glamorous, but it was comforting to see the crudeness of the wounds for a while.

“Now It’s time to have the last ceremony.”

She followed the pilgrims into the cathedral. Moments later, thousands of people gathered inside the temple to give a pilgrim mass. The mass began with magnificent music. A piece of music she had never heard, a message from a bride she couldn’t understand. However, she felt relieved upon seeing everyone’s faces. After a long Mass, Sun stepped out of the cathedral.

“… Now, it’s the end.”

At the same time, a strange sense of accomplishment came along with what she had achieved. Then, someone patted her shoulder. Looking back, she realized that it was a foreign grandmother with a small wrinkle. She smiled and patted her shoulders. Her touch seemed to be reaffirming her struggles. Suddenly, tears filled her eyes. Bitter feelings seemed to be pouring from the inside. She turned her back like a habit, but what unfolded before her eyes was the calm face of the pilgrims. Now, she didn’t have to stand. She didn’t have to endure, nor did she have to suffer.

“After… Ha…”

With her eyes closed, tears flowed down her cheeks. No one said anything to her, and no one hurt her with their words. They only gave her a few gazes that showed how much they understood her wounds, a warm consolation. While others walked for 40 days, she walked for three months. She didn’t want to walk, so she stayed in the hostel for a few days. Her memories of him visited her, like a fever that she could not break. She often wanted to surrender and return. However, the more she walked, the more she realized that it wasn’t the answer. It was an unknown life, but she had to walk. Instead of knowing and moving forward, she had to learn the answers. Only then could she return.

***

“Oh…!”

As he filed paperwork, Gyeonhui frowned his eyebrows because of sudden chest pains. He touched the pained area, but it didn’t get any better.

“Why? Are you hurt?”

Ojae was surprised and asked.

“Ha… No, I’m fine. Do I have any schedules after three days?”

As he massaged his chest, he looked weary and asked, loosening his tie.

“You have a meeting with a Chinese company.”

“Take it out.”

“What? This is a meeting with Madam Shin, though.”

She was Madam Sukjin Shin, who was his mother.

“Take it out.”

He spoke in an annoyed tone. Upon hearing his tone, that was more annoyed than usual, Ojae just closed his mouth. However, since he was well aware of the nature of the fiery Mrs. Shin, Ojae could not pass it on.

“… Do you have any other obligations?”

“I’m not in good shape.”

“Your body? Are there any problems with your heart?”

Ojae, who had come to think of Gyeonhui a little while ago, asked.

“After about three days, I’m seriously going to be sick.”

“What? What does that mean?”

“Ha. I can’t explain it, but It happens every month.”

He replied with annoyance, biting his lips. Pain that’s repeated approximately every month. The feeling of endless sinking, the pain in his chest, was a precursor.

“It’s like the aftermath of an accident…”

The pain began three months ago after that accident. In addition to the monthly pain, there were times when he suddenly felt a terrible pain in his limbs. However, Dr. Seo, the primary care physician, only made a diagnosis that the cause was unknown.

“Useless.”

Dr. Seo, one of the best medical doctors in Korea, was the only one who was useless for Gyeonhui.

“What are the symptoms?”

“Would you even know if I tell you?”

“I need to be aware of any of your symptoms to deal with anything that happens.”

Gyeonhui ignored Ojae, but he asked him again with a professional tone.

“… So, first of all, my stomach hurts.”

“Stomach? Exactly how? Can’t go to the toilet for three days?”

“I feel bad, and I don’t want to do anything. I just want to sleep.”

Gyeonhui stopped for a moment, then he continued to speak, feeling like he was still grasping at a straw.

“And the world is spinning as dizziness sets in. I’m bloated, and my belly is sore, and it is spreading to my waist. Then it would happen again, as if my upper and lower bodies were separated… Huh. Just forget it.”

The more he spoke, the more he felt stupid, and he ended up not talking.

“Hm Hm. Hm. I’ve seen these symptoms a lot.”

“Is there another person who suffers from these symptoms? Who is it? Why is this happening?”

“Well. It’s… Sarah lately.”

Sarah was Ojae’s lover.

“Sarah? Has she seen a doctor to know the reason?”

“You can’t possibly feel the same pain.”

Ojae shook his head dismissively.

“Why? What the hell is it?”

“Well… Are you annoyed by just looking at my face?”

“It’s a little bit like that.”

“Are you overly sensitive?”

“Uh, how would you know that?”

“Ha. It’s really similar… Now, wait a minute. Sick?”

Ojae stabbed him in the chest with his finger.

“Oh! That hurts!! What are you doing!”

“Oh my god…”

Ojae opened his eyes unbelievably as he watched Gyeonhui’s anger.

“It’s going to be released soon. No. No. It can’t be possible…”

“What is it? Do you really know what this is about? After a few days, it begins to flow.”

“Holy shit.”

“What the hell?”

“Sarah feels the same symptoms on that day.”

“That day? What’s that day?”

“… Menstruation. Sarah’s symptoms are the same on the day she’s menstruating.”

“That’s ridiculous…”

Gyeonhui seemed shocked by the unexpected words of Ojae, and he could not say anything.

6. Her Pain

“What did you just say?”

Gyeonhui lowered his eyebrows and stared at Ojae.

“Sorry, but it’s really the same…”

Ojae responded to him with a crawling voice.

“Get out. Get out of my sight. Won’t you get out?!”

Gyeonhui screamed and picked up the plaque.

“I’m leaving now.”

Ojae quickly got up and exited the office before Gyeonhui got up. Gyeonhui was still angry and thumped the plaque on his desk loudly.

“Menstruation? I can’t believe it.”

He tried to put the plaque back in the right spot again as if a crooked plate was disgusting. Then, he began to feel a strange pain in his belly.

“Ugh…”

He wanted to fire his assistant Ojae, but the pain that would come three days from now was more worrying. It had been over three months, but he hadn’t gotten used to it. He was already feeling cold sweat on his forehead because of the terrible pain.

***

Three days later, at the arrival hall of Incheon Airport, after exiting the gate, Sun paused to look inside the airport.

“It’s been a long time…”

A familiar view. There were Koreans everywhere. It had been three months since she had left Korea and spent time in Spain.

“Hey! Sun!”

Then, a familiar voice called Sun’s name. She turned her head in amazement because no one was supposed to pick her up.

“Ari?”

With an elegant smile, Ari approached her.

“I told you not to come.”

“When did I ever listen to you?”

Ari’s voice became friendlier when she smiled at Sun’s face.

“Can you go out and get around this way during work? Do you have nothing to do at the Company?”

“Don’t worry. The boss allowed me to do this.”

It had been a long time, but there was no awkwardness in their tit-for-tat conversation.

“It seems like it was a great trip. I see your mood looks uplifted.”

“Yes.

Sun nodded slowly and answered.

“Did you clear your mind? If you make us worry about you again, I’ll lose it.”

“Now, you act like you’re the president.”

“Oh, and your boss said, come to work starting next week.”

“Next week? You said you are busy?”

“… There are new circumstances. We need to find a new office.”

“Why, suddenly?”

“You don’t need to know. Anyway, take this.”

Ari pulled a small package out of her pocket and gave it to her.

“What is it?”

“You said it’s the day.”

“Oh…”

Sun looked at the package, and Ari alternately felt impressed. Once she arrived at the airport, she was going to buy medicine.

“… Thank you.”

“If you can’t stand it, then just go to the hospital and get an IV; this is the boss’s message.”

Sun smiled at Ari, imitating Eunyoung.

“Is this all your luggage?”

“Yes.”

“Let’s go. I’ll take you home. It’s your first time in your new house.”

“No. I can go alone…”

“I’m here to take you. I’m busy. Hurry up.”

Ari began to walk, pretending that she didn’t hear Sun.

“… It’s still there.”

Sun, looking at Ari’s back, smiled and mumbled to her. The airport was still crowded with people who had returned after a long trip. Ari’s personality, like her brother, was still there, and she always had a place to go. Perhaps she would still be in the same position, but now she had to be different.

“It was a trip to change.”

She grabbed the luggage handle and once again harden her resolve.

***

Black and white, two extreme contrasting colors. The display around the room was filled with various toys and character structures made of blocks. The luxurious wood interior sits without a mixture of original figures, creating a strange texture. In the middle of the room, on a black bed, a white sheet twitched.

“Hwuh.”

With a sigh, Gyeonhui’s face was all squinched after he put his head outside of the blanket. He was suffering from abdominal pain that continued in the morning, enveloping his stomach. Then the door opened, and Ojae entered the room.

“Have you eaten anything?”

“…I have no energy to talk. Leave the room.”

Gyeonhui didn’t even look at Ojae as he spoke.

“It’s really the same reaction. It’s the same with Sarah.”

“Aren’t you leaving?”

Gyeonhui really had no power, but the look in his eyes was bitter.

“Sarah took medicine when she was sick like you. Give it a try.”

“What medicine?”

“… Menstrual cramp medicine.”

“Get out! Get out!!!”

Gyeonhui picked up the pillow. Ojae then fled at a faster rate than he had entered.

“Ha. You scumbag…”

Gyeonhui felt angry, and the pain was worsening.

“I’m going crazy here. It’s real.”

In unbearable pain, sweat dripped from his forehead.

“Menstrual pain medicine?”

Ojae’s words hovered in Gyeonhui’s mind. In fact, after looking at the various symptoms on the internet, it really resembled menstrual cramps.

“But it can’t be a menstrual cycle. Ha.”

Every morning, he could see that he was a strong man, so it didn’t make sense.

“Ugh.”

Then again, the pain swelled. He felt as if his internal organs were moving about improperly as he moaned in anguish.

“Oh…”

As the pain barely subsided, Gyeonhui’s body dropped.

“… I can’t live like this.”

He struggled to make a decision and wake his body up. Inside the opened sheet, a variety of toys were packed.

***

“What are your symptoms? Headache?”

A young pharmacist who was looking at his complexion asked with a twinkle in her eye.

‘A female pharmacist…’

He rushed to find a pharmacy near his home and felt so embarrassed.