NOVEL WEB Chapter 34: Water Basin
A very light knock at the door made both of the women jump a little bit. Hannah a little more because normally she would have been aware enough to hear someone approaching. Clearly neither of the women knew what was the best way to react to this, but neither of them needed to for something else to happen. They both heard the door handle turn and the door push open, causing both of the women to suddenly jolt upright to find Eda quickly coming in and quietly closing the door behind her.
The oldest woman in the room finally looked up at the two other women and let out a sigh. “You two need to be more subtle. You're lucky I got up extr—” Eda cut herself off as her eyes went wide and locked onto the bloody hands Hannah and Rayne were still holding. There was a very long pause as all the women remained frozen in place.
Eventually it was Rayne who broke the silence. “Eda, would you please go and get some ban—” The bedroom door was opened and closed behind Eda before Rayne could even finish her sentence. “She’ll be right back,” Rayne said gently to Hannah. For the first time this morning Rayne was conscious of how loud she spoke. The thought about other people knowing she was in here hadn’t even occurred to her but it didn’t take a lot of thinking to know how bad that could be. Still that worry was outweighed by her need to care for Hannah, even if keeping Rayne having slept here a secret would be taking care of Hannah in a way.
Hannah just nodded, still unable to even so much as look at Rayne’s face. So she just waited, not knowing what else to do. What could she even do after all of this? There were no magical words she could say to fix things. To make sure Rayne wasn’t traumatized by seeing Hannah hurt herself.
Rayne looked down at their bloody hands, taking a little solace in the fact that the bleeding had actually stopped. Still it was a mess and she truly couldn’t imagine what Eda must have felt and thought when she saw. Eda would probably tell her later, when they had a talk because there was no way they weren’t going to have a talk. Hannah falling asleep in Rayne’s sitting room with her was one thing that could lead to some questions, but it was less likely for staff to find out than to find Rayne in Hannah’s room. Even right now they could be walking outside the room and hear Rayne if she dared to speak again.
It took what felt far too long for Hannah’s bedroom door to open again, but it felt like a relief to both Hannah and Rayne when it did. Eda came in with a large basin of water, numerous bandages, and a few bottles of what could be presumed to be ointments all sitting on a large tray. The elder woman’s eyes were still clearly locked on the bloody hands as she handed the tray off to Rayne.
Taking the tray meant letting go of Hannah’s hands and Rayne didn’t like that, but she did appreciate that Eda gave it to her, clearly for Rayne to be the one to help Hannah. At least that was what Rayne thought was the case since Eda didn’t sit herself down in the chair to help. “Thank you, Eda.”
Eda gave a nod before quietly speaking. “Take the morning off, Hannah. Don’t worry about any morning duties and don’t worry about coming to breakfast. I’ll come and bring you some food.”
“Slaves don’t have mornings off.” Hannah’s voice was barely a whisper as that voice in her mind managed to make the fox speak.
“But you aren’t a slave here.” There was no hesitation in Rayne’s voice. “The Empire might say you're a slave, but under my roof you are just another member of staff. Staff can take days off when they aren’t feeling well You can take time off when you aren’t feeling okay, Hannah. Staff aren’t forced to work when they don’t want to and you won’t be either.”
“I’ll be punis—”
“No you will not. No one here has the right to do that, and I will make sure no one ever does or even tries to. You’re a person, Hannah, and you don’t deserve to be punished.” Rayne decided it was time to take physical action as well. Carefully she scooted herself around to set the tray down between them. With gentle but firm hands, Rayne grabbed Hannah’s and brought them to the basin. Admittedly Rayne had never personally taken care of an injury. Whenever she had been hurt Eda or another member of staff would help her, but having never done it on her own wasn’t about to stop the lady.
“Once you’re done, wait till I bring food before you leave, Rayne.” Eda’s voice was more hushed again. Though it wasn’t said the reasoning behind her words was clear, so that no one would be around to see Rayne. Eda took a deep breath before whispering to herself, “I really need to work on the plan.” With that, Eda took her quiet and quick leave.
Rayne’s hands were so gentle as she cupped water and pulled it up to gently pour over Hannah’s hands, washing away the blood. Hannah let Rayne work without resistance, while her mind still lingered on her mistress’s words. Was she truly not a slave here? The sound of doors opening and people moving about in the hallway quickly made itself clear. There was also the sound of gentle knocks on other doors. It was time to get up, but neither the lady or Hannah moved. They just stayed in the room quietly.
Like the rational part of her mind had thought earlier, the cuts weren’t truly that bad, the blood had just made it look worse. Still Rayne took great care as she gently washed them, doing her best not to wash away all the clotted blood and reopen the cuts. It was while doing this that Rayne noticed little scars on the inside of Hannah’s palms. “This wasn’t the first time,” Rayne said more to herself in a very hushed voice.
The tears suddenly came back for Hannah as she shook her head. “No.” It was a surprise to herself that she managed to say the words, even if the voice had made her speak a little while ago.
“How often?” The second those words left her mouth Rayne knew that wasn’t the right thing to ask. It probably wasn’t right for them to be talking at all as the sound of people in the hallway hadn’t died down fully yet. How much sound did the staff’s bedrooms trap?
“Two or three times a year. Sometimes less, sometimes more…” There had been entire years of her life where she had gone without a break down like this, then sometimes it happened nearly every week. Oddly enough as a slave they didn't happen too often. There wasn’t much to trigger them when she was told to do the exact same thing every day. She didn’t really have an interpersonal life with anyone for the past few years and often triggers were things involving upsetting or doing something wrong to someone. Upsetting her owners by not cleaning well enough or stuff to that effect didn’t really trigger them because Hannah didn’t feel like she had actually wronged anybody in a truly harmful way.
Hannah giving Rayne an answer felt like progress in a way. She hadn’t really said anything after she started harming herself, not until the ‘slaves didn't get time off’ comment. These words that Hannah had just shared didn’t feel like they were coming from a place of self hate any longer though. The topic was hard to broach but sitting in silence didn’t feel right. “How would you handle it in the past?”
“It depends on whether I’m alone or not.” Putting the words together was still hard and felt forced, but she wanted to speak. Her mistress had asked her a question after all. “It doesn’t normally happen when I’m around other people. I don’t like people seeing me like… I will normally wait if there are people around and in that waiting I might calm down.”
That was a bit of a relief for Rayne to hear in an odd way. Hannah did have a small strategy of managing it even if it was only by being around people. It still left a question open. “What about when you’re with someone?” As she cleaned Hannah’s hands Rayne noticed the cuts to her own fingers. Hopefully with Hannah’s head down not watching she wouldn’t notice that Rayne also got hurt.
“If I break down like that in front of someone it’s normally someone I feel safe around. Someone I’m not afraid to let them see that bad side of me.” The words were coming out easier now, but they didn’t feel any lighter.
That gave Rayne a little bit of pause. Did that mean Hannah felt safe around her, or was it just so bad Hannah couldn’t control herself? Either way she didn’t say anything and just let Hannah continue.
“When Elaine and I were together, she knew the signs and would help stop me. Either by calming me down before it could get that bad or doing what you did and physically stopping me. My dad also did the same when I was a kit.” There hadn’t been anyone there to stop her in a long time and it felt good to have someone with her again when it happened.
It was good to know that Rayne had done the right thing in physically stopping Hannah. It still felt wrong to use her superior strength to force Hannah into doing something but there was no way Rayne was just going to sit by and not act. Now she just hoped one day she might be able to see the signs like Hannah’s fiancée and dad had done. It would be a bit of a struggle though when she wasn’t spending all of her time with Hannah. She was afraid that Hannah might fall into a moment like that while Rayne wasn’t there.
Hannah looked up from her lap to their hands. They were cleaned of blood now which was good but it did reveal that Hannah wasn’t the only one hurt with the breakdown. The small cuts on Rayne’s fingers stood out so clearly to Hannah even if they were small. “I-I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to be sorry, Hannah.” Finally with their hands cleaned Rayne reached away with one hand to grab one of the bottles of ointment.
“I h-hurt you.” The tear filled shakiness was clear in Hannah’s voice.
“You didn’t hurt me. I just got a few small cuts from helping you. Helping you was more important than getting what's virtually no more than a cut from paper.” The cuts were a bit more than paper cuts but Rayne truly didn’t care. She wouldn’t have cared if she had gotten even worse cuts than Hannah. Popping the cork to the bottle Rayne said, “This will probably sting a little.” With care she took a small piece of cloth and poured some of the oily liquid on it.
It did sting when Rayne dabbed the cloth onto the cuts, but Hannah didn’t react much. She had felt far worse. “I got blood on your clothes.”
“And they can be cleaned. Just like yours and the bed sheet. Don’t worry, we’ll have Eda take care of all of that.” The ointment stung Rayne’s cuts as well and she did wince a few times but she pushed through. Rayne glanced up to actually see how bad the blood was on Hannah’s night gown, but before she could get that high her eyes landed on the pendant still sitting on the bed. There was blood on it and for some reason it painted some really dark imagery of Elaine being killed in her mind, even if Rayne had never even so much as seen the woman. “Why don’t we also clean this,” Rayne said, reaching out and grabbing the pendant.
Hannah had forgotten about the pendant which was a realization that hurt her deep down. How could she forget about her pendant? It meant so much to her. Maybe with someone else Hannah would have snatched it away from them to insist on cleaning it herself but she didn’t with Rayne. She just watched as Rayne washed the blood off of it, causing the fox to have some strange feelings that she didn’t feel she could put a name to.
The pendant was a little hard to clean but Rayne made sure to do her best job. She also made sure to be careful while doing it, not really sure of how delicate the pendant might be. It was a pretty little thing even if it was a little clumsily made. Rayne had many pretty pieces of jewelry but looking at this pendant made her realize none of what she had was made with as much love as this was. “Did Elaine make this for you?”
Hannah nodded, still watching Rayne closely. “She used it to propose to me.” It had been one of the best nights of Hannah’s life when Elaine proposed, though it was also admittedly very overwhelming at the same time.
Rayne couldn’t help but smile. “Then I’m so happy I was able to return this to you.” This might be the best gift Rayne felt she had ever given. “Is that how people in Everlial propose?” Finally she finished cleaning the pendant and gently set it down. She motioned for Hannah to hold out her hands again as she picked up the bandages.
“Normally it’s rings, but Elaine’s family like to make something themselves. She wasn’t skilled enough to make a ring so she made the pendant. We said we would get rings after we got married.” Hannah wasn’t sure if she was sad or happy they never got to that point because the ring would just have been one more thing the slavers took from her.
“We also do rings here as well,” Rayne said as she started wrapping Hannah’s hands in the soft bandages. “Though I like the sound of that family tradition. This isn’t too tight is it?” Rayne asked a little worried she wasn’t wrapping right since she had never done this before. Hannah shook her head and Rayne continued quietly till it was all done.
Hannah looked down at her bandaged hands and continued to feel ashamed. “I’m sorry you had to see me like that.”
Rayne shook her head. “You don’t need to be sorry, Hannah. I would have rather been here to help you than to have not seen it.”
Hearing that made Hannah feel a little warm inside. “I still shouldn’t have touched your ears.”
The lady had honestly forgotten that was what led up to Hannah hurting herself. A gentle heat filled Rayne’s face as conflict filled her mind. On one hand Rayne did believe that Hannah should have asked her first but on the other she didn’t care. She liked Hannah touching her. “That’s okay as well. I know I probably shouldn’t have touched your ears as well that first night.”
Now Hannah’s face felt a little hot. “I did like it,” she admitted.
That was so nice to hear that Hannah did like Rayne playing with her ears. “I’m glad you liked it.” This felt like the right time to admit that Rayne had actually liked Hannah touching her own ears, but admitting that felt too embarrassing. “Not that I’m upset with it, but I would like to know why you touched my ear.”
The blush on Hannah’s face got worse. “I… I’ve never touched a human’s ears before and I wanted to know what they felt like…”
That explanation made Rayne smile. Hannah was so cute. Rayne was going to say that Hannah could have just asked, but she realized Hannah would have been far too afraid to ask. At least she would have been any time soon. She hoped in the future Hannah would feel safe enough to ask whatever she wants. “Well, maybe it’s only fair that if I’ve been able to touch your ears that you could touch mine if you want.” Saying that out loud didn’t help the heat in Rayne’s face.
Hearing that really made Hannah feel warm inside. It had been a long time since she was allowed to touch someone’s ears. Even if she had permission the real question was whether Hannah would feel brave enough to initiate that. She wanted to be brave enough to.
“What did you think?”
Hannah looked up at Rayne a little confused. She saw that Rayne’s face was a little red as well. Not nearly as it had been when she woke up this morning. “Think of what?”
Now Rayne couldn’t look Hannah in the eye. “Human ears.” Why was Rayne afraid Hannah was going to say she didn’t like it?
“Squishy.” The words came out faster than Hannah could put thought into the answer. “Soft and squishy.” Though it brought up bad feelings, she did want to feel them again.
