The Mundane Journal Entries of an Ordinary Person

Season: Autumn

Weather: Cool with misty drizzle

Day of the week: Monday

Date: 25th March, 2024

I got scolded by the doctors for not taking medication before I came into hospital. I was more awake today and so had to endure the long telling off.

When I tried to explain that there was nothing wrong with me, I suddenly received a hug from the visitor by my side.

"We know you don't want to believe that there's anything wrong with you and that you won't have to use any money or have to deal with being less than perfect," said the assistant who had been my partner, "but we want to believe the same too. In the meantime, it's best to obey the doctor's order. Yes?"

For some reason, somehow, that made me feel a lot better. At least until he brought up Stony Boss.

"Anthony Duin left medical notes on your conditions in the back of the journal that you carry around with you. I showed the doctors while you were asleep."

I felt my face flush.

What?

I hurried to look at the back of my journal.

So he had. That man needed a beating and a scolding. Always making decisions for me and invading my privacy, doing things I didn't want.

I was so angry that I fainted.

Who knew I would become the fragile and delicate sort of woman that I despised one day. The type that got sick and fainted at a simple provocation. Makes me mad with myself. I feel so frustrated. Like I have a simmering pressure cooker pot inside me.

When I woke up, the dark shadow lord was back again, reading a book. I don't like him and don't know why he would visit so often. He turned the page and chuckled, glancing over to see me staring at him.

"Do I look good?" he joked, smoothing his hair back.

I stared rather, at the book in his hand. It looked very familiar and I couldn't see my journal anywhere around me.

The dark shadow lord laughed and closed the book, placing it in my hand. It was my journal. Ooh. I was going to be at someone up.

"Stop. Don't get angry, little girl," he said, "otherwise I might have to kiss you."

Immediately, I hid the journal behind my back and covered my mouth with my hands, making him laugh.

"You barely talk," he said. "And nobody knows what you're thinking or what you want. You're so repressed, even with yourself in the journal. What you need is a good loving so that you can go wild and let loose. Let me know if you need it. I'll definitely give it to you and look after you. Someone has to offend you and read your journal, so I did it. So what if you're angry with me or hate me? I'm used to it. I have a whole long list of people who hate my guts and think I'm useless. So what? What can they do to me unless I let their words get to me? You only get as hurt as you allow other people to hurt you. If you don't want to get hurt, then there's no need to care about them. Don't be such a softie that anybody can pinch you and make you cry. Take things as a dog bite or a bee sting. After the initial pain, it's nothing you can't get over. It's not going to affect you for the rest of your life unless you keep dwelling on it."

I turned away from him so that I wouldn't have to look at him, and I didn't want to listen but his words stuck in my head.

"That Stony Boss of yours had the right idea. A man should charge in and take control. He gave up too early. Why'd he give up after you got angry with him for reading your journal? Tsk. If I were him, I'd have set things up so that you'd fall in love with me against your will and willingly give yourself to me..."

"But I'm not you," growled a familiar angry voice, "Umbrey."

"Yo, talk of the devil," the dark shadow lord turned around with a grin, raising a hand for Anthony Duin to stalk in and ignore it. "Bro," he said, looking at his empty hand.

"Your people hurt my girl and you didn't even give compensation? You're still spouting nonsense?"

"I'm protecting her from Bruiser. The man is furious that he barely managed to get started and couldn't finish the job. He certainly won't care about her feelings. You know what he's like, Stony. She's still your girl, huh? Are you sure about that?"

"Uh," said a voice from the door and the assistant who had been my partner trotted in with a pink drink in his hands. "Am I interrupting something?" he asked, putting the drink in my hands and perching on the edge of my bed. "Mixed berry smoothie," he told me.

I opened my arms to the assistant who had been my partner and he gave me a hug. And an unexpected kiss on the cheek. He then raised an eyebrow at the two men who were staring at him. The dark shadow lord, Umbrey, seemed amused. Anthony Duin's face was purple with suppressed fury. The assistant by my side raised his chin at them.

It never rains but pours. Llewyn happened to enter, together with THE biggest boss of all and his special personal assistant. Llewyn tossed the assistant by my side off my bed and pointed a finger.

All the men were silent, staring or glaring at each other and I covered my face, not sure what to make of this situation. Don't tell me they were going to force me to make a decision. They were, weren't they?

"That's enough. All of you," said THE biggest boss of all in a low and deep voice, making the people who were slowly pulling up their sleeves and making fists pause. "Take a deep breath and walk away."

Anthony Duin, Llewyn and my assistant all took a few deep breaths, gave each other parting glares and turned around to face different walls. None of them willing to leave.

"Oh. You ruined the fun," the dark shadow lord's face fell. "I was looking forward toward the excitement."

"We'd all be kicked out of the hospital and no longer be allowed to visit," THE biggest boss of all said, still in that deep voice. "Would anyone like to lose their visiting rights?"

There was silence.

"Good," said THE biggest boss of all. "Jane, I don't want to force you into making any rash decisions or to affect any relationships, but why don't you tell everyone here what you really think of them?"

"Really?"

My eyes were so wide that they were probably the size of saucers.

"Really," THE biggest boss of all. "It'll perhaps help them all realize where they stand in your heart and whether they have any hope of a romantic relationship. And so reduce the risk of any fights breaking out. Give them some food for thought. Don't worry about hurting anyone. They're all men. They should be able to take it. To give you a warm up. Why don't you start with me?"

Was he being serious?

He was. Unfortunately, he was being completely serious.

I gestured to him and he bent his head closer so that I could whisper to him.

"I'm just a little worker. Not worthy of your notice," I said. "Please don't."

"That in itself told me exactly what you think about me," THE biggest boss of all gave me a complicated look and released a heavy sigh. "I'm sorry, Jane."

"Don't feel bad. I want to know," the dark shadow lord said and the other men nodded their heads.

"I barely know any of you," I fidgeted in the hospital bed, wondering if there was a lever somewhere that could make the floor open up and allow me to drop down into the basement where I could hide.

"Just say it," said the dark shadow lord.

"Dark shadow lord?" I said to him and his ears seemed to perk up with pleasure.

"Yes?"

"You're an ass. A mean, perverted, privacy invading ass."

"Mm. Good eyes. I know it and I'm proud of it," laughed Umbrey without showing any displeasure. "Very accurate. Go on. I want to hear the rest."

"Anthony Duin?"

"I'm here, sweetheart."

"Privacy invader. Controlling without truly caring about what the other person thinks or feels. You force what you feel onto others. It's unfair. I do have to thank you for what you've done for me, but I don't like you anymore."

Anthony Duin's face fell and he covered his face.

"So I had a chance?" he mumbled to himself.

"And lost it. She's not wrong there either," the dark shadow lord crowed. "You're an ass too."

"What about me?" Llewyn stepped forward to hold my hand but I pulled it out of his reach.

"You're a good guy," I said. "I'm not the right person for you. You can find somebody better."

"You got the good guy card," the dark shadow lord burst out in laughter. "Hilarious. I'm loving this. And little dinky-di there?"

"I don't know," I shook my head. "I don't really know him well enough. I'm just glad he didn't abandon me that day and run away, despite having to suffer with me."

"You initiate hugs with him and let him touch you, unlike anyone else," Umbrey pointed out. "That's already saying a lot."

"I'm not really interested in a romantic relationship right now though," I said.

"That's fine. I'm not really either," said the assistant. "I was just hoping that we can be friends first and get through this period of time until the memory has become nothing but a shadow in the past."

I nodded agreement.

"I feel the same."

"Can you feel the love tonight?" sang Umbrey in a low tone and I threw a pillow at him, which he caught with a laugh, tucking it back beneath me. "Now that's a more normal reaction than staring at nothing for hours on end. Little recorder, you're going to be ok."

"And that's that," THE biggest boss of all said with what appeared to be a sigh of relief.

"Oh. I forgot one. What about him?" Umbrey pointed at the special personal assistant.

"Him? I don't know him well," I shrugged. "He's a good guy, I think, but everyone at work is terrified of him."

That set Umbrey off into a new spray of laughter and made a few of the others smile.

"Does that even make sense?" Umbrey asked me.

"Do you?" I asked him pointedly.

"Ah. I see. Of course not," Umbrey gave me a sloppy kiss on the lips that made all the men start forwards, while I scrubbed the kiss off as hard as I could with my blanket and a look of disgust. He laughed and waved, leaving the room. "Think about what I said, little girl. I'm free for you whenever you need me. Also, give little dinky-di your keys. You really do need someone else who can keep an eye on you in case you fall this ill again. Alternatively, move in with him. I've already left my contact number on your mobile phone."

I shook my head. The other men exchanged glances.

"Looks like he's taken a liking to you," THE biggest boss of all said to me after a long moment of silence. "There are very, very few people who have his personal number, so don't let anyone get the number from you or you'll be in trouble. It also shows that he thinks he owes you a favour. Even so, try not to stay in contact with him. He's a very dangerous man."

I nodded my understanding.

"I have to head off," said Anthony Duin in a subdued tone, stepping forward to give me a hug. Like stupid shadow lord, he gave me a kiss, but thankfully it was just a peck on the lips. I couldn't even dodge. Overbearing bear. "Get better soon."

He sighed while he left, looking dejected with slumped shoulders. THE biggest boss of all gave him a pat on the shoulder as he passed by while I rubbed my lips clean again. I was going to have to disinfect my lips later after two men had harassed them without consent.

Llewyn looked on with dissatisfaction and clenched fists.

"Come on, my good guy friend," the special personal assistant draped and arm around his shoulder. "We should get back to work."

Llewyn dropped his head and his shoulders slumped, allowing the special personal assistant to lead him out. He glanced a goodbye at me and then left.

That left only THE biggest boss of all and my assistant in the room. Suddenly, the room no longer felt so small, stuffy and crowded.

"Jane, Umbrey was right about one thing," THE biggest boss of all said in a soft voice. "I don't think it's safe for you to continue living on your own. If Umbrey hadn't broken into your apartment, you might be dead by now. You were in a very bad state when the paramedics got there. You were even in ICU overnight. They weren't sure you'd survive. Your health and safety is very important to me. All this happened because of me and my staff, so I have the responsibility to ensure you are safe and healthy. I'm willing to help fund a relocation for you. Your apartment is too small for a second person. The doctors have also recommended the same. What do you think?"

I couldn't help pouting. Where was I going to have to move to?

"Why didn't you just let me die?" I couldn't help blurting out with tears in my eyes.

"Why do you think?" THE biggest boss of all's face tightened and his eyes went dark. A cold fire seemed to come to life.

I swallowed, suddenly unable to look at him or reply. Tears burst from the dams in my eyes.

THE biggest boss of all looked away and took a few deep breaths to calm himself down. When he looked at me again, his eyes had become soft and gentle again.

The assistant by my other side hurriedly brought me some tissues and both he and I wiped the streaming tears from my face.

"Miss Brown, are you willing to see a Psychologist?"

I turned away. I didn't want to think of or answer that question.

"Think about it then," THE biggest boss of all sais., "if you don't want to talk about it."

He nudged the assistant by my side.

"Oh, oh. Janey, my apartment has a spare bedroom. You can move in with me and we can share the rent. It won't be anymore than what you're paying now. Possibly even less. I'll never enter your room without your consent and I'll be good. I'll maintain the personal boundaries and protect you as well. I promise. You don't have to be scared. Just that, if I have nightmares - I mean, if you have nightmares, I'll be there for you. You can hug me if you're scared. No other thoughts."

"You've been having nightmares too?" I asked and he nodded emphatically.

"So," he ventured, "if I have nightmares, do you mind if I ask you for a hug?"

I opened my arms at that and he smiled with relief, hugging me right.

"So that's a 'yes'? 'Yes' to moving in with me?" the assistant, I should really call him by his name now. Deaglan.

I glanced at THE biggest boss of all who was watching silently and without any betrayal of his thoughts.

"I can't live alone anymore?" I pleaded.

THE biggest boss of all shook his head at me slowly.

"The medical staff and I all agree that it's not safe for you to continue to do so. Especially when you've had two quite serious events in the past few months. If it happens again but no one gets to you on time, then what? If we know there's a risk but do nothing about it, what sort of friends and colleagues would we be? Although we'll respect your wishes, in the end, it's your life. It's just that if you don't care about yourself, who will?"

"I will," Deaglan raised his hand. "I will."

"A person has to be responsible for their own health and safety," THE biggest boss of all ignored Deaglan and his eyes bored into me. "Nobody can take care of you but yourself. This is a form of respect to those around you, but ultimately toward yourself. Do you understand? You need to respect yourself and your own body."

Respect.

Huh.