The King's Remorse

Again:

TRIGGER WARNING: self-harm (implied but not explicitly stated, brief mentions only, a character has self-inflicted scars)

Chapter 8

You Can't Help Me

Grey nudges me awake the following morning, and I stretch and sit up with a yawn.

"We'll have to get food at some point," he says.

"There's enough out here for all of us. Ever gone hunting?" Phoenix asks, a grin tugging at the corner of his mouth. His expression turns predatory and his eyes glint.

I shake my head.

"Probably easier in your wolf form. Although, for the sake of time, I'll be back soon. You find water."

"You won't get lost?" Grey asks.

Phoenix scowls at him. "No. Don't ask that again."

He walks off into the forest, flicking his tail.

"Don't worry about him. He'll be fine," Ky says. "There's a few little streams around here."

"He's going hunting?" I stare at the spot where Phoenix vanished.

Ky nods. "He'll find something. It's not that hard for him. There's not much prey can do against his flames, although he rarely uses them when he's hunting."

It's not that far to a stream, and we reach it quickly. Ky wades out and drinks from the middle, while Grey and I crouch on the bank and cup our hands. The water is cool against my throat.

Birds chirp overhead and a gentle breeze blows by.

"That was faster than I thought it would be." Ky turns around and climbs out of the stream, shaking off his fur.

A moment later, Phoenix emerges from the forest. He drags a deer alongside him, holding it in his jaws by the neck. He drops it on the ground, then tears at the deer's legs, handing them to us. I take it and try to ignore the blood soaking through the fur and how it doesn't connect to anything.

"Food," he states before returning to the carcass and settling down at the stomach with Ky beside him.

I look away as they both start eating, holding one of the deer legs limply in my hands. I stare at it, then turn to Grey who's gone pale. His shoulders shrug up, and his breath shudders. He's looking anywhere but down at the deer leg.

"Aren't you guys gonna eat?" Phoenix asks. "You said you were hungry."

"I don't..." I trail off. "I don't know what to do with this."

Phoenix glances up at us, then focuses his attention on the deer legs we each hold. The flesh darkens, and Grey stumbles back a step with a short yelp, nearly dropping the leg.

"Fire!" he cries.

"Relax," Phoenix snaps. "I'm not gonna burn you, Grey. If I wanted to do that, I'd just do it."

Phoenix returns to eating, and Grey turns to me with wide eyes. I shrug and wince and we each look at our deer leg.

"Well, better this than nothing?"

Grey's mouth thins out into a flat line, and I can see the anxiety swirling in his silver gaze. His hands shake.

I peel a piece of meat off the bone and examine it. It's cooked through, thanks to Phoenix, and isn't too hot.

"Looks like the same stuff we get in the Sea, Grey," I tell him, then take a bite. "Tastes about the same, too."

Grey hums, cautiously tugging a strip of venison from the leg. He nibbles on the end of it.

xxxx

In the end, the deer isn't as bad as I'd originally thought it might be. I'm not going to be picky, food is food, and it isn't like there are many other options. I have a full stomach, so I'm not complaining.

Ky and Phoenix polish off the rest of the deer and chew on the bones. Grey sets the remainder of the deer leg to the side and shifts so his back is to it. He looks at me and shakes his head.

I send him a sympathetic look back.

Before I can think of what to say that might ease his nerves, a scream shatters through the forest, echoing off trees and sending birds fluttering into the sky with squawks of alarm.

I jump to my feet, tensing, and I look all around for any threats, but I see none. Ky startles, spinning around on his paws, but Phoenix stays put. He runs his tongue over his muzzle, then licks his paw and swipes it over his face. He cleans blood from between his toe pads.

The world falls silent again.

Grey and Ky scan our surroundings as well.

"What was that?" Grey asks.

"A scream," Phoenix mutters.

"He was asking where it came from, dumbass," Ky bites back.

Phoenix rolls his eyes. "I answered his question. He asked what it was, so I told him. Anyway, let's get moving. I've finished and there's no reason to stay here any longer."

He gets to his paws, but before he can take a step, there's another sound. This time, a mangled cry.

"What the hell?" Phoenix groans, wrinkling his nose.

"It came from this way," Ky says.

He trots off, and I follow him, hoping nothing bad has happened, but I heard nothing happy about the scream. Perhaps someone's injured, perhaps it's a trap. I can't think of anything good that it might be.

Grey and Phoenix follow behind, my brother right behind me and the black cat grumbling about minding our own business.

We come across a small open clearing a few minutes later. Grass and scattered flowers sway gently, and sunlight casts mottled shadows on the greenery.

"Whoah," Ky breathes, eyes wide as he stops in his tracks. "Who are they? What's wrong with them?"

In the middle of the clearing, a blue-furred cat lies on their side. Turquoise hair sprouts from their forehead and neck, and two horns curl down behind their ears. Six shards of ice stick out from the end of their tail.

The cat bares their teeth and digs their claws into the ground. Blood dribbles down their nose and jaw, and when they choke on a breath, tears stream from their eyes, freezing in small icicles on their cheeks.

"What the hell is going on?" I ask. "That doesn't look right."

"No, it does not look right," Ky murmurs, coming to stand beside me. His ears and tail sag.

The cat groans, writhing on the ground, and Ky scampers out into the clearing. Phoenix lurks behind a tree, carefully studying the scene in front of him.

"Hi," he says, stopping a few paces away. "My name is Ky. How can we help you?"

The cat rolls to their stomach after a shudder wracks their frame and cracks open a light blue eye. "You can't. Go away. Forget you ever saw me."

When I look closer, the cat's new positioning reveals a network of thin scars on their forelegs. Some look old, and others appear to still be healing.

The cat notices my attention and turns their head, tucking their limbs beneath their chest.

"Nothing you can do. You can't help me."

They open their mouth to speak again, but whatever they were about to say is cut off by a low groan. They fall back to their side, body arched in pain. When their hind legs spasm and kick and their claws flash, it isn't hard for me to imagine how the scars on their forelegs came to be.

"Ky, let's go," Phoenix calls from the edge of the clearing. "They clearly don't want our help. Let's get moving."

"Can you at least please tell us your name?" I ask.

"Your fiery friend over there has the right idea," the cat mutters. "Go away. Leave me alone. You can't help."

I look over at Grey. He shrugs.

"Could be with the King," he whispers in my ear, low enough that the cat doesn't hear.

"Who are you?" Ky walks up to the cat and crouches down. "We want to help."

"Your friend doesn't seem to want to help."

"Don't worry about him. What can we do?"

"You can't do anything. Go awa-." The cat is cut off as every muscle locks up and they groan, baring their teeth as their face contorts in agony.

"Ky, can you just use one of your illusions so we can get out of here?" Phoenix curls his lips. He hasn't ventured further than the tree line

Ky turns around to look at his brother. "I could, but it wouldn't be real."

"So what? They'll believe it, and then this can end and we can keep moving."

"As soon as I end it, they'll feel it all again. I can't change whatever's happening. I can only make them believe it's gone."

"And for however long you keep the illusion going, they'll believe it's ended," Phoenix shoots back.

"It won't be real though," Ky protests. "It'll just be an illusion. It won't be real."

"Just do it. What's the harm? You're so stuck on staying here and they don't seem very keen on saying anything helpful, so let's try something different. You can make it go away, even if it's fake."

Ky looks off to the side, ears falling to the sides. Hesitation flickers in his brown gaze.

"Do you want me to make it go away?" he finally says, turning to face the cat.

"You can't," the cat sighs, voice soft.

"Not really, I can't, but I can make you believe it's gone."

The cat is silent for a few minutes, and when they speak, their voice is hoarse. "You can try, but you won't be able to make all of it go away. It'll always be there. It never goes away."

Ky nods. "I'll do my best," he says as his eyes glaze over and he focuses.

Nothing happens at first, and I almost start to worry. I don't know what Ky's illusions can do or what the limits of his power may be.

But after a little bit, I see the moment the illusion takes effect. The sharp, rigid lines of the blue cat's body begin to relax, and they settle on the ground, letting out a long, slow breath. Their eyes flutter closed as relief spreads across their face and the tension wrinkling and contorting their face eases.

No one moves as the cat just breathes for several long minutes.

"Thank you," they eventually whisper, voice still weak but far steadier than it had been before.

Ky's expression pinches for a moment, but he nods. "You're welcome. May I ask your name? I'd like to know how to address you."

"My name is Jabez. I use he, him, and his pronouns." He doesn't lift his head as he speaks, instead continuing to lay on his side.

"It's nice to meet you, Jabez. I'm Ky, and that's my brother, Phoenix, over there by the trees. We both use he, him, and his pronouns."

"I'm Alex," I say with a wave. "I use she, her, and hers pronouns."

"I'm Grey," my brother greets. "I use the same pronouns as yourself."

"What are you doing so far out here?" Jabez asks, opening his eyes and glancing at us all. His pale blue gaze drags over each of us.

"We're traveling," Ky starts, but Phoenix cuts him off.

"We're going to kill the cream puff," the black cat says, voice firm.

"The cream puff?" Jabez echoes, thinking for a moment before realization washes over his face. "Oh, the King. You're going to kill the King."

"Yeah," Phoenix says slowly, "I am."

"Ok."

The flatness of Jabez's voice confuses me. Most would either be outspoken in support of the King, or quietly against him. There isn't really an in between, yet Jabez's lack of emotion only seems to say he doesn't really care.

"Do you work for the cream puff?" Phoenix demands, head high and shoulders squared. His expression turns dangerous.

I tense, watching Jabez for his reaction. The air shifts, and Ky studies Jabez closely, as does Grey from behind me.

"Not really, no," Jabez murmurs. His gaze turns distant, and he rolls onto his stomach, pillowing his chin on his forepaws. He glances at Ky. "Your illusion has worked. I know it isn't real, but I appreciate it."

"You're welcome," Ky replies with a soft smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. "I'm glad it helped."

"It's been decades since things have been this calm. So many decades."

I almost miss Jabez's words with how quiet his voice is. I furrow my eyebrows. He doesn't look as old as so many decades would imply. He appears older than me or Grey, older than Ky or Phoenix, but so many decades seems to imply that he'd be well on his way to one hundred. Yet he doesn't appear to be a hundred years old.

"Why haven't you done anything?" Phoenix asks, sharp and curt. His muzzle wrinkles. I whirl to the side as my heart sinks in my chest. "If it's been so many decades, why haven't you tried anything? If it's been so many decades, you would've been around before Arcane disappeared. Why not visit him?"

Oh, no, Phoenix, I think as I turn back to Jabez. What did you just do?

Pain and panic flash across Jabez's face, and he jerks back, body stiffening. His eyes grow wide, and his ears pin to the sides of his head.

"I cannot," is all he says before rising to his paws. "I'm sorry, I should be going on my way. Thank you again, Ky. I appreciate your efforts. You can let the illusion go now. I'll be fine."

Ky hesitates. "Are you sure? I can keep it going for as long as you'd like."

"No, no, please take it back. I really should be going." Jabez shakes his head and shifts on his forelegs, rocking his weight from one leg to the other. The tip of his tail twitches.

"Ok," Ky replies slowly, ducking his head.

"Thank you. Please remove the illusion."

"I-... alright."

"I really should be going," Jabez repeats.

"Why?" Grey asks, stepping forward to stand beside me.

Jabez turns and meets Grey's gaze, but he quickly looks away. "I-I-. I can't be here, I should be going."

What did Phoenix do? I think. Why can't Jabez do anything? Why can't Jabez go find Arcane, whoever he is?

"The illusion is gone," Ky says, retreating a few paces from Jabez with a sad expression.

"Thank you," Jabez replies, voice rougher than when the illusion was in place.

He stands a little stiffer, muscles a little tighter. The lines of tension across his body seem more pronounced. His tail hangs to the ground, and his breaths seem to take more effort. Jabez starts off, but Phoenix cuts him off.

"Where do you think you're going?" Phoenix asks. "You think we're just going to let you go so easily? You're acting awfully suspicious, you know."

"I'm leaving. I appreciate you all taking the time to check on me, but I'll be going now."

"Did we say something wrong?" I ask, walking a short distance into the clearing. Grey follows close behind.

"I'm leaving."

"No, you really aren't." Phoenix's voice rumbles in his chest, a deep and echoing warning.

Jabez inhales a sharp breath, sides heaving. His lip pulls back in the beginning of a snarl, a brief flicker of teeth.

"I am. I cannot be here."

"Why not? Ky helped you-."

"He didn't help. He only tricked my mind into believing it was all gone."

Ky squeezes his eyes shut and tenses for a split second. Phoenix flashes his fangs when Jabez interrupts him.

"Either way," Phoenix continues, "we did something for you."

"You won't be fooling me like that. It won't work on me."

Jabez takes a step back, and Phoenix quickly advances once more. I can quickly see the difference between the two cats. Jabez might be taller, but he's far skinnier than Phoenix is. I can see the sharp outline of his shoulder blades when he walks back yet another step and the faint shape of his ribs when he gasps for another breath. Phoenix is intimidating without his fire, and I can imagine how he might look with it.

"I'm not trying to fool you of anything. All I'm saying is that we did something for you, so now you need to do something for us." Phoenix drops his head until it's flat with his back, a predatory stance.

"I never asked for you to come here," Jabez replies. "I don't owe you anything."

"Phoenix-." Ky starts, but he's interrupted.

"Not now, Ky. There's something not quite right about our new acquaintance." Phoenix flicks his ear.

I lean over to Grey, chewing on a knuckle as I watch the scene unfold in front of me.

"Do you think he's right?" I ask quietly. "Do you think there's something off about Jabez?"

Grey hums, mulling the question over for a few moments. "I mean, there's clearly something going on," he murmurs. "No one reacts like that without reason. But I'm not so sure Phoenix is necessarily completely right."

"Phoenix," Ky repeats, louder. He trots over to his brother. "What are you doing?"

"He knows something." Phoenix doesn't break his gaze from Jabez, who's staring at the black cat through wide eyes. "He knows something, and he's going to share."

"I-I-."

"The next words out of your mouth better be answers."

"I really have to go," Jabez says.

"Should we intervene?" Grey asks. "This isn't good."

"How?" I reply. "Didn't they say Phoenix is covered in fire?"

"Yes, but there must be a way to have a more peaceful conversation." He twists his hands, running his fingers over his forearms in a nervous movement.

Phoenix halts. "That's not what I was looking for."

"Take a breath, Phoenix." Ky moves to stand between Jabez and his brother.

"Please, I'm going on my way. I have no quarrels with you. I didn't ask for you to come here, and we can all go our own ways."

"You know something. You've been around long enough to have seen Arcane before he disappeared for whatever you've got going on, and yet you haven't. No one has such a blank reaction to the cream puff. You either love him or you hate him. There is no in between. So, tell me, Jabez. Are you with him or against him?"

Ky pauses at the question, angling an ear back and tilting his head. The tension in the clearing thickens, and I hold my breath.

Jabez doesn't reply for a long time, and when he does, I can barely hear it.

"Neither," he says, before ducking his head and bounding off.

Phoenix starts after him with a rumbling snarl. I grimace at the broiling rage in the black cat's eyes. Ky follows his brother, but at a much slower pace. Less a desire to catch Jabez and more a want to not be so far from Phoenix.

"Oh, shit," Grey curses beside me.

"What?"

"Phoenix is using his fire. We should probably step in, right? There really oughta be a much more peaceful way of going about this where everyone can be happy."

Before I can respond, Jabez cries out, ears pinning to his skull. His forelegs spasm and he pitches forward, jaw glancing off a rock. His head twists at an awkward angle. But Jabez rises back up quickly and turns around halfway, slamming his forepaws on the ground.

Phoenix chokes on a roar as he tumbles back, caught by something I cannot see. He lands on his side, spitting and snarling.

"What happened?" I ask, loud enough that Ky and Phoenix can hear but to no one in particular.

"Jabez just made a wall of ice," Grey replies absently. "Phoenix got thrown back."

"Stop!" Ky shouts, bounding forward to place a paw on Phoenix's shoulders before he can stand up.

Phoenix shakes off dust and dirt from his fur, sneering at the place where Jabez disappeared. He stays on the ground.

"Why should I?" he asks. "Jabez owes us more than a few answers."

"There's someone else here. We have bigger things to worry about right now. We can find Jabez later."

Someone else here?

I turn around and scan the forest.

"What the fuck? Who else is here?" Phoenix leaps to his paws and snaps his head back to turn and face his brother.

"I don't know, but someone is watching us."

Grey crosses the clearing, and I follow. I walk backward, looking for any sign of disturbances in the forest. Everything feels ominous, and every shadow looks darker than usual, more threatening and menacing. I force myself to breathe, reaching up to grasp the pewter pendant around my neck.

"Hello," a voice says a few minutes after Jabez has left, and I stumble, sent straight back to the foot of the Amethyst Throne when I watched my brother almost die.