The Hero Who Returned From Death Quits

EP9. ■■(Revised)

I made plans with my friends again today. Just like yesterday and the day before yesterday. Making plans with friends and hanging out was part of my daily routine. As I was leaving the house to make plans, I saw a woman.

She was a young woman with impressive blue hair. I was inwardly surprised to see her like that.

‘Was there such a pretty person around here…?’

In addition, the woman in front of me was clearly showing off that she was a valuable person. It wasn’t that her clothes were particularly expensive. It was just that I thought that it was possible to reveal one’s status just by the atmosphere.

The woman met my eyes.

‘Eek!’

There was nothing good about meeting a woman who was obviously of noble birth. I had heard this from the adults, and I quickly tried to hide.

Then the woman approached me. There was no turning back now. I could clearly see her approaching me like that, and I didn’t know what would happen if I ran away.

I had no choice but to stand stiffly, like a rat standing before a snake.

‘Please go somewhere else, please please please.’

But unfortunately, the woman stopped right in front of me and said,

“hi?”

I could barely squeeze out an answer.

“hello?”

The woman stroked my hair.

“Don’t be so nervous. I just came to… find someone.”

As she spoke, I felt a strange sense of familiarity in her faint smile.

Why did the woman in front of me feel familiar? It was something I couldn’t understand.

…

Feria took a deep breath as she talked to Ainzel about his childhood.

The role she took on in getting Ainzel back was to make him feel alienated.

It was her role to make this inner world, this dream world, realize that something was wrong. In order to do that, she needed to have a calm conversation with him.

“What kind of person are you trying to find?”

Ainzel spoke hesitantly. Then Peria smiled and crouched down to meet Ainzel’s eyes.

“…he has black hair, black eyes, is considerate, patient, and a very cool… kind of person.”

Ainzel looked at Peria and said.

“I don’t know anyone like that.”

Feria said with a bashful smile.

“No, you already know.”

“Really. I really don’t know anyone like that.”

Feria answered like that and smiled while looking at Ainzel who was looking nervous.

Ainzel was already nervous because he could tell that she was a precious person, and he felt even more nervous when he saw that smile.

“How old are you?”

“I’m eight years old.”

“Hmm, when is your birthday?”

She asked such routine questions. Ainzel answered them one by one, his face tense and stiff.

“Oh, by the way, what day is it today? I don’t really remember the date.”

“Today is the 14th day of the 7th month.”

“…14 months?”

“Yes. The 14th month.”

“Hmm… isn’t a year made up of December?”

“Yes. But?”

“You just said the 14th month. Don’t you think it’s strange that there’s a date called the 14th month?”

“That… that is…”

Ainzel gently shook his head.

As Peria stared at Ainzel, Ainzel spoke with tears in his eyes.

“I, I don’t know…”

Feria grabbed Ainzel’s shoulder and said.

“Is there anything strange? Think about it carefully.”

“Ah… ugh… .”

Ainzel thought. When he thought about it, his daily life had been the same. Suspiciously so.

There was no change in the weather. My parents kept going to work without taking a single day off, and I had appointments with my friends every day.

However, Ainzel refused to speak any longer and ran. Feria just quietly watched Ainzel like that.

After that, Feria continued to approach Ainzel and say something to her for several days. Ainzel felt suspicious about this fact, but he also saw himself being drawn to her for some reason, and he found it strange.

In fact, for some reason, Ainzel kept thinking that she seemed familiar.

Why is it? Why does it feel familiar to see and talk to the face of a beautiful, high-ranking person whom I have clearly never met?

When I came to my senses, I found myself having a more intimate conversation with Peria and Ainzel.

“…This place is too small. When I went to the neighboring village, my village was too shabby. I want to go out into the wider world.”

Peria stroked Ainzel’s head. Ainzel’s subconscious would not have wanted to come to the Empire. Nevertheless, the reason he still showed his longing to go to the Empire, just like when he was young… was probably because Ainzel missed ‘the image of himself that longed for a wider world.’

“Well, is the wide world necessarily better than this place?”

“What do you mean? What’s so great about a shabby town like this?”

“… There are truths that we only realize as time passes, and there are longings that we only realize as time passes. Right now, you may think this town, your hometown, is too small… but is that really true? Is there really no value to this small town?”

Ainzel frowned. Again. His head hurts like it’s going to burst again. It happens just talking to this woman.

The boy barely opened his mouth to speak.

“So, is it wrong to want to go to the Empire and be successful, to want to see the wider world?”

Feria put her hand on Ainzel’s shoulder and said.

“…Well, I don’t know about that. Maybe it could be better. But I just want to tell you that it won’t necessarily be a better outcome. But I want to tell you this much. …No matter what hardships lie ahead of you, the ending will be happy.”

Ainzel looked at Peria. His head was hurting more and more. Why on earth was this happening? As Ainzel’s pain grew worse, he felt as if something was coming to his mind.

It was funny. My head was hurting so much that I couldn’t even concentrate, so what on earth could I possibly think of? But… the more the woman in front of me spoke to me, the more certain I became of it.

I had a feeling that something, something was changing.

After much thought, Ainzel finally opened his mouth.

“…You said you came to find someone?”

“Yeah, I came to find someone.”

“What kind of person was he?”

“What does that mean?”

“Tell me what kind of person that person was, what kind of life they lived, what happened that made you want to find them….”

Feria closed her eyes for a moment, lost in thought, and then said.

“The first time I met him was because of work. I had something I had to do with him. In fact, it was something that anyone else would have done, but I applied for the job out of a sense of petty justice or something else. And I was disappointed. At first, I didn’t like his appearance very much. But… as time passed, I gradually came to trust him.”

Ainzel felt his hands tremble. It was clearly the story he had asked her to tell, but for some reason he had a bad feeling. He wanted to shut her up right now. If he let her keep talking like this… it felt like the world he had built up until now would fall apart.

“That… stop….”

That’s why Ainzel said that. However, Peria grabbed Ainzel’s shoulder and looked him in the eye.

“And after everything happened… I misunderstood him. Someone tried to frame him. I didn’t believe him, and he was framed.”

“Ah… euuu…”

“I found out about that too late. I thought, ‘I shouldn’t have done that,’ but it was already too late. But, the person who had been falsely accused… was influenced by bad energy and became very sick.”

“it hurts…?”

“Yeah. I got sick… so I hid. I hid somewhere where I wouldn’t get sick. So, so…”

Feria hugged Ainzel. Ainzel had a tearful expression.

“I came looking for you.”

No. Please stop. Please don’t try to break this world.

Ainzel thought so and pushed away Peria’s shoulder that was hugging him.

“Stop it! What are you talking about! I…!”

At some point, the boy realized that tears were flowing from his eyes.

“…Huh?”

Ainzel felt puzzled as he thought about why he was shedding tears now. And then again, a headache suddenly struck him.

As Ainzel clutched his head, a new figure of a man finally came into view, approaching him.

“Let’s leave it at that, okay?”

It was desire. Desire crouched down in front of Ainzel and spoke.

“Hey, main body. How long are you going to keep doing this? Actually, you probably already realized to some extent that the current situation is strange. But why are you holding your head up like this and acting like a spoiled brat, trying to maintain the current situation?”

Ainzel looked at the man in front of him. He looked like he would become like that if he grew up.

The boy backed away in fear. The man, as if he had expected this, grabbed Ainzel’s shoulder and spoke.

“Now, think about it. Aren’t you ashamed? How long are you going to be trapped in this paradise you’ve created just for yourself, wishing to live like this? Now, look. That girl came looking for you. So did I. Don’t you think it would be rude to just stay still?”

When he said that, Ainzel’s face distorted.

“I don’t know what you mean by that….”

“Don’t lie. You already knew that. You always abandoned me to live rationally and fulfill your duty. On that note, it’s too cruel for you to act like this now. Why were you so cruel to me in the past, and now you’re acting like this? For the sake of the mission? No, your current state is making the mission you achieved seem less shiny.”

“Uh, uh….”

“Think about it. The ‘energy’ that put you in this situation. It’s clearly not something you can just sit back and do, right? So… Come to your senses.”

At that moment, he heard something breaking in his head. No, he thought it did.

The world around him begins to fall apart. Things he didn’t want to remember begin to come back to him.

Finally, the boy smiled with tears in his eyes and opened his mouth.

“Yeah, you’re right.”

Desire looked at Ainzel and smiled. Ainzel, the boy continued speaking.

“If I continue to deny it and stay stuck in the times when I was happy, nothing will work out.”

The smile of desire grew darker and darker.

“I… I thought it might be time to rest now.”

Ainzel’s face twisted, then he smiled again.

“But since I had already abandoned the habit of being lazy, I couldn’t even rest properly. So… So, I thought that maybe I could feel better inside myself. Since it wasn’t my fault that I was trapped inside due to that energy, blaming it on that would also reduce my guilt.”

Desire opened its mouth in the middle.

“But you know that that’s not right, right? Do you know what your condition is like outside right now?”

“…Roughly speaking. Since I had lost control of my body, I was probably affected by the Demon King’s black magic. Since the Demon King was already dead, there was no one to give orders, so I was probably greatly influenced by the Demon King’s final thoughts.”

“What do you mean by the Demon King’s final thoughts?”

“Endless hatred towards humans. Murderous intent. All sorts of negative emotions. Those must have fused with the negative emotions I had and… yes, the negative emotions that are currently dormant within you, and determined your actions.”

“…That’s exactly right. Your body outside has become a monster, and countless humans have died because of you. Furthermore… if this situation continues, your comrades will die too. The connection between the body and the soul will be completely severed.”

Ainzel bit his lip. Feria appeared before his eyes.

“So many people died… That’s something I can’t do anything about. Even if I had become one with the Demon King’s magic, my body wouldn’t have moved unless it was ‘something I normally held in hatred.’”

“Oh, really? That’s right… You were out there running wild, slaughtering everything. If only your comrades had subdued you and come here to look for you… If not, you wouldn’t have stopped until the empire fell or you died.”

“That’s… unexpected. That really happened?”

Desire spoke to the bewildered Ainzel.

“Oh. Seriously. Think about it rationally. Did you really think that your hatred would be that weak?”

“That’s… one more thing to carry. Did the thing you chose to escape only increase the number of things you have to carry?”

Ainzel lowered his head. Looking at Ainzel like that, Desire continued to speak.

“So, get up quickly. Your colleagues came all this way for you, so don’t keep showing them your embarrassing side.”

“Wait, colleagues? So there are other people besides Peria?”

Ainzel said something that he had found strange earlier.

Desire shrugged and said.

“Your colleagues, they are all here.”

With those words, the faces of his comrades appeared. Saint, Lena, Beatrice. Ainzel frowned.

“…shit.”

Then, Desire smiled brightly and said.

“Well, then it’s time to get up, isn’t it?”

“…Yeah, I see.”

Desire whistled to Ainzel, who answered like that.

“Okay, I see that there are cracks in my inner world, so I guess I’ll wake up soon… There’s still some things left to settle between us, right?”

“adjustment?”

When Ainzel questioned, Desire instantly grabbed Ainzel by the neck and threw him to the ground.

“Cough-”

Ainzel couldn’t come to his senses. Desire whispered in Ainzel’s ear.

“You need to get your feelings back, okay?”

“Wait a minute, what are you doing!”

His colleagues were ready to immediately block his desire, but his desire spoke regardless.

“This is absolutely necessary to restore the emotions of the main body, so you should not interfere. Now, release the shackles on my ankles and begin the fight where you either eat your desires or are eaten by them.”

“Who says what they want?”

“Then, you’re going to live like this for the rest of your life? Filling your body with black magic, and looking at the colorless world while being exposed to that strange energy, in a situation where you might go crazy again? Really? You wanted to get back your past self, didn’t you?”

Ainzel’s face hardened when he heard those words.

“…Even so, I can’t just let you go, because there might be some danger. I won’t let you go.”

Desire said, his face hardening coldly.

“Oh, really? So you’re just going to tie me up like this, waste time like this, and then escape?”

Desire distorted his face.

“That’s unacceptable. Who can do that? Just say on the outside that you miss your past self and that’s it? Don’t make me laugh! Rather than put up with that, I’d rather kill you right now.”

Desire strangled Ainzel. Normally, he would have easily won. Ainzel’s reason was much stronger than his desire. However, his current state could hardly be called normal.

“Tell me! How could you, how could you say such a thing? You want to get your feelings back! Tell me quickly! Were those words of yours meant to deceive even yourself?”

Ainzel looked at the expression of desire.

It was an expression that said, ‘I’ve been betrayed.’ Only then did Ainzel realize what Desire truly wanted.

“I want to be whole! It’s my body, it’s me, and I don’t want to do things like eroding my own body, waiting for an opportunity, and prolonging my life in my inner world by doing things like this!”

Not only for himself, but he too had been wishing for… a past self that could be happy.

Desire was shedding tears.

Ainzel spoke softly.

“Okay, I got it.”

He felt the strength slowly leaving Desire’s hands. Ainzel stood up, looking at Desire.

Then, he brushed the dust off his body and stretched out his hand. The key was already in his hand.

After the key was put into the chain and turned, finally even the trace of the chain disappeared.

And then, without anyone saying anything, the desire and the body clenched their fists and took a fighting stance.

“I’m telling you in advance, if that’s what you want… wouldn’t you just let it go?”

“No. I don’t think so. If reason is so strong that it can’t defeat me anyway, won’t it collapse someday? There are only two outcomes. Either you regain control of your emotions, or you are consumed by desire. Do you understand?”

Ainzel nodded.

“I see… I understand. I will fight so that I can get my true self back.”

The sight of Ainzel speaking like that had at some point returned to that of an adult.

Desire smiled brightly.

“Yeah. That’s it.”

Without saying who would go first, the two rushed in and started exchanging punches.

There was no guard. There was no avoidance. It was just purely clashing with oneself.

Blood was spraying and the two were panting as they exchanged punches.

Finally, when Ainzel blasted Desire’s jaw with his fist, Desire fell down.

Ainzel grabbed Desire by the neck and subdued him, and Desire smiled and said.

“…Okay. You win.”

Then, Desire smiled gently.

“Do you know what to do?”

Ainzel opened his mouth and began to eat Desire’s flesh. Desire smiled even as it was being eaten. Soon, Desire’s appearance disappeared, and his inner world was completely shattered.

Ainzel opened his eyes.