The Girl Wants to Be M*rdered

Like a ball shot into the sky, falling to the ground as time passes.

A life born amidst cheers, slowly dying in silence.

Just like a castle built on sand, that fundamentally uneasy lie was destined to crumble.

Yeah.

Betrayal that will eventually be exposed.

A lie that will someday be revealed.

From the very beginning, all of this was predetermined.

“…Sister?”

“…….”

“Elli Unnie, are you there?”

Rustle, I see a child approaching, pushing through the tough bushes with small hands like a fern.

Could this be a fantasy created by my anxieties?

But it’s too real, like every sound and every breath belongs to a child I know.

I couldn’t help but admit it.

This is, above all, a miserable reality.

“Are you there… sister?”

“…….”

Her snow-white skin marred by scratches, perhaps from the tough grass, showed red marks as if poison had risen.

With each step, the child approached, enduring pain and bitterness.

Under the moonlight.

The eyes of the child shimmer like never seen before, as if adorned with jewels, glowing beautifully.

The sins I had built up through deceit and betrayal.

That was becoming unraveled.

I struggled to swallow the questions bursting within me.

—Why are you here, Alice?

The cruel answer to that question was walking right before my eyes.

Finding the child, I wondered if my body would show under the moonlight, curling into the darkness hidden by trees.

My heart, ready to burst, made my breathing grow ragged. I held my breath, hoping the child wouldn’t hear me.

A desperate flail, even a child wouldn’t do this.

Please, don’t find me.

Just pass by like this.

But such shabby actions had no effect.

The child’s eyes found me in the shadows, and at that moment, she halted.

I was caught.

That thought consumed my mind.

“……..”

“……—Ah.”

A moment of silence flowed.

I prayed that moment would last forever, even to a god I didn’t believe in.

But the gods were not generous enough to grant miracles to the unbelievers.

Slowly, the child opened her mouth.

“Sister, I found… the tea…”

“…….”

“When I woke up and you weren’t here, I… I got scared…!”

The worst situation, the worst time, the worst place.

The child stuttered in her speech, but no words reached my ears.

No.

Don’t look at me.

I glanced around.

The forest that should have been painted in greens, blues, and a bit of black was forgetting its true colors, splattered like bright red paint.

Can we even call this color?

This was life, this was passion, this was love and violence.

Blood.

Covered in splattered red, the trees were soaked in it.

Delaying, delaying, delaying… all the collected karma returned to its rightful owner.

An undeniable, unavoidable truth.

“…….”

I hung my head.

As I spread my hands, I saw my red stained hands and the mysterious gobs of something stuck in between my fingers.

In my mouth, the sweet taste of flesh still lingered.

Thud, I buried my head in the soil.

Again and again.

Again, and again.

In the distance, I could hear the child’s panicked voice. Still, I couldn’t stop.

Yeah.

In the end, I was caught.

I showed everything.

Who I was.

What I had done.

I showed it all.

“…—Alice.”

“Uh… Huh…?”

“Alice… Alice…. Alice…!”

The rising emotion burst forth as the child’s name.

I jerked my head up. I could see the child approaching this way, horrified by my actions.

The child’s eyes, now filled with increasing fear, glimmered with anxiety. Sensitive to the mood, unlike usual, her face began to stiffen.

It seemed like a glimpse into the future approaching.

It was sorrowful.

So unbearable that I felt rage, resentment, and heaviness.

I too.

Didn’t wish to be born as a monster that couldn’t live without devouring flesh and blood.

I only wanted to enjoy this moment of warmth a little longer.

Why do you look at me like a sinner?

“Ah… Ahh… “

I wanted to speak.

Just let today pass, let this month pass, let this season go! If I gather my thoughts!

Then.

I would have said… that I too, was going to speak.

I never meant to hide it forever…

I wanted to apologize like this. I’m sorry, I meant no such thing.

But the words that slipped out were cold, hot, calm, and frenzied, quite unlike my true sentiments.

Abusive words.

The sharp dagger aimed at the child.

“….Why!!”

“—Hii!?”

“—Why is this happening? Why!! Did you miss me that much? Is that it!!!”

I was already blaming the child.

Why did you come looking for me?

I told you to stay inside the house.

Because your wounds might get worse, I told you not to undo the bandages.

With bloodshot eyes, I flaunted my bloodied face.

I walked towards the child who gazed at me blankly.

Crack, a twig snapped under my foot.

Yeah, I know.

It’s not my place to speak of locking the child in a dark room where not even an inch could be seen, keeping myself from going anywhere, trapping myself and locking the door,

It’s not my place to talk after taking away the family of the wandering child, taking away her past, trampling her very name.

I knew that bitter truth.

But.

But right now…

If I don’t think of it that way, I feel like I might crumble.

“…Sister..?”

“Yes, I’m Saelli. I’m your sister!!”

The child, staring vacantly around, paled in horror upon seeing my approach.

As I stepped out into the moonlit space, where the darkness had hidden me, Alice seemed to collapse, her legs giving way.

I strode towards her, reaching directly in front of her.

I firmly gripped the hand of the child who was gradually moving away, as if crawling back, and pulled her in.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“….Ah… A… Elli Unnie…”

“I asked where you’re going.”

The once warm embrace of the child felt so unbearably cold.

Something sticky on my hands clung to the child’s arm.

I tightened my grip a bit.

—Crack.

“Hi! Hya—!?”

“Why are you doing this, Alice? I’m your sister! My name is Saelli!!”

Perhaps it was fear, but Alice’s teeth began to chatter uncontrollably. Her weak limbs drooped, looking at me as if in a daze.

Seeing that made my heart burn.

I forced her head, which was trying to turn away to avoid my face, back toward me.

I could see the child’s terrified expression. That made my blood boil.

Don’t turn away.

Look at me.

As I clenched my lips, the sharp teeth bit into my skin, and blood trickled down my chin from the wound.

Alice.

Why do you look at me like that?

It’s me.

I’m still Saelli, the one who you always called Elli Unnie.

I told you I liked you.

I said I wanted you by my side for forever.

You promised you’d love me no matter what.

In that thinking, I caressed Alice’s teal eyes completely exposed.

Swish swish, fresh blood painted her beautiful skin.

What are you so afraid of?

……

Hmm? Tell me.

…..

The child flinched every time my small touch brushed against her. Alice didn’t respond to my small question.

I poked her eyelids with my sharp nails, asking her.

The swaying, dilated pupils.

“You’ve undone your bandages, haven’t you?”

“Uh… Ah… Aah… I’m… Sorry, Sister…”

As I forcibly hugged her, I could feel the child’s whole body trembling with fear.

Watching her, I kept petting her.

Moving my hands a little, as the blood dried, I used my blood on my lips to stain her immaculate silver hair, red lips, and pristine neck little by little.

Alice was a clever child.

Surely, she was grasping everything about this situation now.

—I’m not a normal human being after all.

You must be scared, terrified.

The child’s body, around ten years old, tried to escape from within me. The mouth emitting moans opened slightly, unable to close.

Yet, perhaps trying to obey my words, she made a great effort to look up, avoiding my gaze, which was firing lasers at her. That was quite adorable.

In those glass-like clear eyes, the monster drenched in blood and searching for the next prey was reflected.

With red pupils shining, fixed on the next prey.

That sight made me grip the child tighter.

Absolutely.

I won’t let you go.

—Crack!

“Hyaaa!? It hurts! It hurts!!”

“I told you, I said not to undo the bandages!”

“—Kyaaaaaaaaa!!”

A scream echoed through the forest.

Alice struggled desperately to free her wrist from my tightening grasp.

But perhaps she lacked the strength, her resistance only lasted a few minutes. I lifted her up as she gasped for breath, ready to collapse.

I pulled her back into my embrace as she tried to slip away from me.

Thud thud, weak hands pounded against my chest.

Alice looked at me with an anguished gaze.

A tear that she couldn’t hold back fell from her eye onto my hand.

Plop.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I won’t do it again,” she begged in her soft, fragile way, and my heart felt like it was sinking deeper into the muddy swamp.

What did I do so wrong?

Do you want to run away from me that badly?

Are you trying to escape from the terrifying monster?

In the end, are you abandoning me?

Really,
“You’re a bad child.”

“…I’m sorry… Sister… I won’t do it again… So—”

“You’re really a bad child.”

An unquantifiable mixture of emotions intertwined.

Colors mixed together, condensing into one place.

This is sorrow.

This is anger.

This is, resentment.

If the current feelings were to be portrayed in color — it would be a filthy, messy ink color that could eventually be thrown away.

Yeah.

This is the color of a small betrayal.

Perhaps from the very beginning, we were fated never to meet.

“Bad children must be punished, right?”

“…N-No… Sister… I’m… sorry…”

In Alice’s eyes, I could see the monster’s mouth opening wide.

And just like that, I opened my mouth even wider.

As I opened my mouth wide, I could no longer see the child.

With a scream, I closed my mouth.

Crunch.

I filled my mouth with something.

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