The Female Bullies Eat Me Up

Fuck… I think I can breathe again.

Getting some fresh air outside, I feel the heat going down. The classroom was so fucking cramped, not even a proper lecture hall, made it even worse.

"Hmm..."

The breeze is nice.

Just as I sit down to take a swig of water, I see someone walking up from below. Uh… why the fuck… are they coming this way? Oh, right, the smoking area is right next to me.

We make eye contact, but I quickly look away, pretending I didn't see them.

Coffee in one hand, cigarette in the other. Looks like a IQOS or a Lil or something (tabacco brands).

Of course, the smoking area is right next to my fucking chair, so it's awkward to just jump up and leave. I pretend to be looking into the distance for a bit, stalling.

'Hsss… phew.'

It's that girl from the physics class earlier.

Guess I gotta get up slowly.

"You don't smoke?"

What the… There's no one else around.

"Me?"

"Yeah."

"Uh… no, I don't."

"Really?"

The girl narrows her eyes, taking a drag of her cigarette, hsss. She exhales, sending plumes of smoke into the air. She looks… pretty fucking experienced.

"You're Lee Joon-hyung, right?"

"Uh, yeah. Lee Joon-hyung."

What the fuck is this familiar setup? It's giving me high school flashbacks, like deja vu.

If we were both smoking it'd be a chill scene, but answering her sitting down makes me feel like a fucking shuttle.

"Hss, phew."

A brief silence.

Should… should I ask for her name?

The sweat's starting up again, fuck me. Someone save me.

"Wanna drink?"

The girl holds up her coffee, still puffing on her cigarette. It's already open, looks like she's taken a sip.

"Uh… no. I don't really drink coffee."

"Ah, okay."

"…"

This awkwardness is killing me.

Thinking about it, I haven't really talked to anyone like this since starting college.

Actually, it was the same in high school. It's not that I can't talk to girls. It's the same with guys. I just kept my head down… "Hey, do you play games?" That's about the only opener I had. If our tastes matched, we'd talk about games and it'd flow naturally... Otherwise, the convo would die and we'd stay awkwardly silent.

Still, I should at least ask her name.

"So… what's your name?"

"Me? Joo Ye-jin."

"Joo Ye-jin. Hmm."

Okay. Joo Ye-jin. Fuck, what the hell do I say next? Like, "Oh… that's a pretty name?" My brain is short-circuiting.

Hss, phew.

More smoke billows out.

"Where'd you go to high school?"

"I… I went to Se-moon High."

"Ah, Se-moon High."

We've barely managed to keep the conversation going by talking about high school.

"I went to Ye-hwi High."

Ye-hwi High? Where the fuck is that?

I can't remember exactly, but I think it was a pretty well-known school. Weren't all the tough kids supposed to go there? Or was it somewhere else? My memory's fuzzy.

"I knew some people from Se-moon High. Uh… hm. Do you know Park Ji-ha?"

"I… don't really think so."

"Hmm… how about Lim Ye-ji?"

"That… kinda rings a bell…"

My palms are sweating.

This feels exactly like freshman year of high school.

The fucking loser test questions. "Oh, you don't know them? Lol… what a loser." She doesn't seem mean-spirited about it, but I'm still freaked out.

"Maybe because she's a girl? Ah… then what about Lim Hyun-soo?"

…Lim Hyun-soo.

I know Lim Hyun-soo.

He was one of the top two bullies among the guys. That fucker loved tormenting people. He wasn't in my class, so I didn't interact with him much.

"I know of him…"

"Not close?"

"Uh, no."

I brushed it off. Fuck, is she gonna call him later?

'Hey, do you know a Lee Joon-hyung from Se-moon High?'

'Huh? Lee Joon-hyung? Nah, don't know him. Probably some nobody.'

'Oh, really? Haha.'

'Why?'

'He acted like you knew him, lol.'

'That fucking loser? Just use him as your bread shuttle.'

'Okay, okay.'

Agh, fuck…

I'm already sweating bullets. But I don't know if she's close to Lim Hyun-soo or not. Maybe she just knows his name. Maybe they hung out a few times…

"..."

"..."

Silence again.

I don't know what the fuck to ask her.

A bunch of questions pop into my head, but I feel like anything I say will just lead to a dead end, so I can't bring myself to say them.

I'm fucking dying inside. Someone please save me!!!

"Were you good at studying in high school?"

"Uh… no. Not really."

No fucking way I was good.

If I was good, I wouldn't be at this shitty college.

Joo Ye-jin takes a long drag of her cigarette and exhales.

"You seemed like you were good at studying."

"I just… must've been in a good mood today."

"Oh yeah?" Joo Ye-jin nods.

"Were you in science major?"

"Uh… yeah."

"I was in humanities."

Why the fuck did a humanities student come to engineering?

Not that it really makes a difference, I guess.

I was in science, but I don't know shit. You actually have to understand the material for it to be useful. They said they were integrating science and humanities, but at school they just kept us separated and plowed ahead. Probably too much hassle, and they sort you by science and humanities when you apply to college anyway.

Hss…

Should I ask her if she needs help with anything? I hesitated for a moment. But I have nothing else to say.

"If you don't understand something, feel free to ask… Not that I'm an expert or anything."

"You'd probably know more than a humanities student."

I guess?

Joo Ye-jin smirks when I hesitate.

…She's pretty. Her smile is the complete opposite of her smoking face.

"Can I really ask you?"

"Uh… yeah. I only just understood it myself."

If I tell her I just got it today, she'll think I'm a total dumbass, right?

"I'm seriously clueless, so I might be really frustrating. I might even end up cursing you out while you're teaching me."

"Nah, nah. I didn't get it at first either, so I understand."

"Really?"

It feels like the conversation's flowing a bit better than before. I'm a little less tense.

"What's your Byulsta? Tell me."

"...Byulsta?"

I'm sweating again.

I don't have that shit.

I don't have Byulsta, Threads, nothing.

"Uh… I don't have that."

"Oh yeah?"

Fuck, I'm screwed.

Round two of the loser identification test… Plenty of people don't use Byulsta, but without it I probably look like a total fucking loser...

"Then what's your number? Give it to me."

"Ah… okay."

At least she didn't ask about anything else.

I carefully take the phone she hands me. It looks pretty new, the casing is spotless.

'010...'

I finish typing my number and hand the phone back. Joo Ye-jin checks it and nods.

"This is my number."

...This is the first number I've gotten since starting college.

I quickly memorize the number and save it on my phone. Meanwhile, Joo Ye-jin stretches, having finished her cigarette. Her chest, hidden by her blouse, rises as she stretches. I quickly look away.

"Ugh. Ah, that was hard, but now that's sorted. I was about to drop out."

"Oh… really?"

Well, if it's not a good fit, I guess it makes sense to quit quickly. Maybe she was just venting.

"Did you join any department clubs or anything?"

"Ah… no."

"Why not? The seniors are pretty fun."

Carry on

"Uh… just because?"

This girl is a fucking sweat factory. Doesn't she have any prejudices? It's obvious I'm a fucking loser, that's why I'm not joining…

"How about central clubs?"

"Cen… tral clubs? Not really. I don't even know what's out there yet."

"Don't you think a travel club would be fun?"

"Uh, yeah, it sounds fun… But I don't know much about it yet."

I see. Joo Ye-jin nods. Looks like she hasn't joined a central club yet either.

The words, "Wanna join a travel club with me?" almost slipped out, but I held back. Barely avoided acting like a total loser…

"Well… if I don't know something, I'll ask you."

"Yeah, sure. Ask me anytime."

"Okay, haha."

Joo Ye-jin finishes her coffee, tossing the cup, and looks at her phone. The 10-minute break is almost over. It felt like 30 minutes.

"Shall we head back up?"

"Uh, yeah."

Joo Ye-jin stretches again and starts walking. I walk next to her, awkwardly matching her pace.

…Now that I look, she has a small nose piercing too. When did she get that? She has a strange vibe, like she's gentle but also not.

'Clunk.'

Joo Ye-jin opens the door first and sits down, and I follow, taking my seat in the back. As soon as I sit down, I start pulling at my face.

Fuck… I'm such a goddamn loser… My face feels numb…

I sigh inwardly.

I don't know what she thinks, but I feel like a fucking loser, and it's killing me. Dealing with people is hard enough, but it's even harder with girls… and she's not just any girl, she has this tough vibe to her.

'Hsss… come to think of it.'

Somehow, even here, it feels like I'm only ending up around the troublemakers…

It's gotta be a coincidence, right? If it's some kind of pattern, then that's fucked.

I bite my lips and stare at the teacher's desk.

'This self-loathing is getting to me…'

Talking to a girl in college for the first time made me feel kinda giddy, but at the same time, I feel like I just stuttered and made an ass of myself, and now I'm feeling this wave of regret and self-doubt.

Two weird feelings are mixing together and it's making me feel messed up.

What can I do… I just gotta hope things get better with time.

"That's all for today."

"Thank you for your work."

As the professor leaves, the students all pour out of the classroom.

Exactly 5 o'clock. Did Yoo-inha finish too? I should text him.

"Lee Joon-hyung?"

"Uh, yeah?"

I was just packing my books to leave when Joo Ye-jin called out to me.

My eyes were drawn to her collarbone, exposed by her white blouse.

"See you later."

"Uh, yeah, you too."

I waved my hand without thinking.

Joo Ye-jin smirked and opened the door, leaving.

…

And now I feel happy again. Typical loser move. Loses his mind over one word from a girl.

'Fuck, what am I supposed to do? I can't help it.'

Guess I can't fight male hormones. My heart races just from her smiling at me.

[Yoo-inha: Hey, you done?]

[Yoo-inha: Hey, I said are you done?]

No need to even text, she already messaged me.

I quickly replied.

[Yeah, heading down from the engineering building now]

[Yoo-inha: Wait at the gate]

Looks like she's heading down too.

After replying, I slowly walked towards the school gate.

Ah… these past few days have been kinda hectic. It's definitely better than being bored all day, though.

'Where's she coming from?'

I fiddled nervously waiting for Yoo-inha, when a familiar face came down the stairs.

That guy, 'Kim Myung-jun,' I saw him playing soccer the other day. He's starting to get a rep in our department for being good-looking.

'Hmm… should I ask him?'

Honestly, I don't have anyone else to ask.

I don't know if he's into this kind of thing… but if I don't ask now, I won't have another chance.

"?"

Kim Myung-jun, who was walking down, made eye contact with me.

I awkwardly waved first, and Kim Myung-jun lightly raised his hand in return.

"Uh… class is over?"

"Yeah. Why?"

We were just supposed to say hi and go our separate ways, but when I spoke to him, Kim Myung-jun raised an eyebrow, like he was surprised.

I'm getting nervous, ugh.

"It's nothing big… just a girl I know asked if I had any friends who'd be interested in a group blind date… You interested? It'll probably be 3 on 3…"

"Group blind date?"

Kim Myung-jun reacted like he'd just heard something completely unexpected from me.

Like, 'You're arranging a group blind date? A guy like you?' That kind of vibe.

"What department is it with?"

"Over there, humanities department. If you're not interested, no big deal."

"No, it's not that I'm not interested."

He must just be a little thrown off because he didn't expect to hear that word from me.

Still looking puzzled, Kim Myung-jun handed me his phone.

I took Kim Myung-jun's number and saved it.

"When is it?"

"I'll text you when it's decided. I still need to find one more person…"

"Should I try to find someone?"

Good-looking guys hang out with other good-looking guys… If Kim Myung-jun finds someone, won't another good-looking guy come along?

I nodded.

"Uh, if you could, that would be great. I'll look too, but…"

"Hmm, okay. I'll Kakaotalk you later."

"Uh, yeah."

Kim Myung-jun said, "Take it easy," and turned around.

He looks even better from behind. He dresses well too.

So I guess I got one person. I thought Yoo-inha would beat the shit out of me if I couldn't find anyone, so that's a relief. If I'd found some ugly guys, she would have beaten me twice as hard…

And Yoo-inha would've been all over me, like, 'Did you find anyone? Did you find anyone?' and I would've been stuttering, so this is good.

After waiting for a bit, I saw a slender girl coming down from above.

A girl walking down with her arms crossed, a handbag slung over her shoulder. She definitely stands out. Her height, her fashion, even her looks, everything.

"Yo. Loser."

"..."

Calling me a loser as soon as she sees me.

Yoo-inha stopped, a smirk on her face.

"Let's go? Time to ditch the loser life."