NOVEL WEB Chapter 18: A Sudden Unexpected Attack!
Ahhnn~!
...
Yes!
...
Mmmm...
...
You like that?
...
Chipmunk!
...
Ah, right there~!
...
Oof...!
...
Again!
...
Nyarr!
...
This isn't even my final form!
...
Oh god...
...
Ring, ring!
...
AHHNNN---! Huh?
What kind of moan is that...?
Ring--Nnnnggghhh---Ring! Ahhhhh...!
Haaahhh... Wow.
the random ringing didn't stop me, that's for sure.
Still, it's strange. Very weird. It's like my genitals are callling... for something...? Someone?
Hello? Guys. Can you hear me? What is it? I won't get mad, I promise. Just come out with it all!
"Martyra, Bob Walkerman is calling," Bereo answered from below me.
Bob...
Bobby!?
That fucking blue-baller!
Again!
He did this last time too!
Is he spying on me!?
I quickly threw Bereo off to the side and stood up.
"Martyra--"
"Shut up! Ah, not in a bad way. In a good way? I'm currently solving a big mystery right now dear. So I'm a bit on edge. I think I just got a big fat lead!"
"I see. Should I help?"
"No need. Detective Martyra is on the case!"
I walk around the room butt-naked, looking at every nook and cranny. Not of my butt-naked self, of the room! Though I do look pretty hot now that I look in a mirror. Honestly, I'd fuck myself.
Hahahahahaha!
I notice to the side of the room a usable robot body that Bereo can inhabit that looks eerily like myself...
NOPE! That was never there. Hahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha!
If Bobby finds out... he'll never shut up about it! That bitch!
I should just... no, I can't burn the thing. It's myself!
I mean, nothing would really happen, but holy shit that's creepy. I-I don't wanna!
"Martyra, Bob is still calling--"
"Tell him to fuck off, you blue-balling prick!"
"Okay."
"Good."
Wait a second.
"Wait, no! Don't actually send that!"
"...It's already been sent. And it's been opened and read too..."
...
"Bob ended the call.."
"Oh wow. I wonder why."
"He probably took your advice, Martyra."
"My! What a nice man! Hahahahahahhaa!"
...
...
_____________________________
[Fuck off, you blue-balling prick.]
I was calling Gothra about something very important, but this is the message I received in return.
Well, I guess I ruined her fun. But she also did mine last time! So we're even.
Hell, if anything... She's not living this down! Muahahahahahahahaha! The horny furry. Oh wow, the kinds of nasty stuff she'd be doing...
That I'm not thinking about! Fuck off Gothra!
Well, whatever. I went towards one wall of my room, the one with the large circular bookshelf that covers it all.
I wave my hand and the bookshelf coming out of the wall spun. The shelf protrudes out of the wall as a half-circle, the rest of it being on the other side. With a simple command, I can browse through it like so.
The shelf finished spinning, revealing the other side.
"Hmmm... A guide to monster fucking... Reincarnated as a Slimy Dildo... Portal to tentacle land... I want to eat goblins..."
Not finding anything I want, I swiped my hand once more, making the bookshelf rotate once again, but instead of just going back to the previous selection I had, I was greeted by a new collection of volumes, with not a single book repeated.
"Megamachia: I got bored of the zombie apocalypse so I came to wreck havoc on another world! by ArchMaou."
Sounds interesting enough. I picked up the book and willed some drinks and snacks to come to me.
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Aaahhhh...! That felt good. And was very refreshing. There were no distractions, no one called me in the middle of it.
I'm so glad I can just do this without any care in the world. Nothing else to do, no one that I need to talk to later... Just in my own little world, where I reign, the sovereign!
I walked around the room, just admiring it all. There's no need to look for hidden cameras or anything, it's perfectly safe!
This is actually my favorite little love nest. Did you know that?
It's on 69th floor, hehe. Floor 69 of The Martyr Tower, where there are no worries ever!
In this love room, there is of course a large bed. It's circular and looks like a crown, with horns and spikes at the side to really sell it. It is also recommended to grab hold of them so you don't fall off the fun little ride.
And then there are several super sexy and hot mannequins, all moving around and modeling a plethora of outfits, alongside floating mirrors, drawers, and more for all your needs!
And so I lay back in bed once more, because again, as I already said, many times, there is nothing else for me to do! Hahahahahaha!
...
Sigh...
Okay, how do I make it sound like it's Bobby's fault?
I mean, he is the one doing the blue-balling? Isn't that really rude?
Yes! It is!
Very much so.
I know I kinda did it myself to him... but it's different! I... I immediately ended the call!
Well, he also hung up... but hanging up is also rude, so double rude!
Yea! Yeah! Exactly! Grrr! Now that I think about it, it's all his fault! What a prick! Very rude!
Okay, let's go with that!
So with all that decided, I got dressed up, but in a redder outfit than usual to symbolize that I'm out for blood. Bob's picked a fight with someone he should've never touched. A sleeping lion has been awakened!
At this very moment, all the creatures of the world felt a looming terror as an archdemon from the depth has ascended! Despite her rage, she keeps a calm and composed demeanor. The people around her gulped as they saw her face, unable to discern any of her intentions at all.
They know it's something evil, but that's all they know.
Nothing else.
Not her origins. Not her goals. Not even what she had for breakfast.
It was a very delicious assortment of boar dishes.
I floated down onto the floor, as a brilliant red carpet adorned my path. This is a throne room, MY Throne Room.
In the middle of it is a large black throne, complete with all the skulls and frills. Behind it is the perfect painting of my perfect Archdemon self from hell.
That painting cost a lot to commission, but man is it glorious. I should position the angle of the shot farther away this time so the painting might be shown in the hologram.
Though it looks so much better in person! Well not really as the holograms are very realistic, but still!
Should I invite Bob here then...?
Hmm, maybe some other time.
Now then...
"Bereo, call Bob Walkerman." Pfft! His name is still so funny like that! It's like if someone tried to come up with the most generic sounding one!
Although I guess someone did come up with it... he didn't name himself after all. Or maybe he did? But why choose that...?
"Alright. Calling."
Ring, Ring!
...
Ring, Ring!
"Hey Gothra," his projection appeared, and he had an infuriating smirk on his face as if he's already won
Oh, not on my watch motherfucker!
"You! I know what you did!!"
"Huh!? You-- You're the one who sent me that weird text!"
"Yeah! Because how did you know!? You called right when it was getting good too! It's too perfect! I know you got secret cameras hidden somewhere! Stalker!"
"What!? I do not! It's not even possible with The System in place!"
Hah! Gotcha! All as planned! He didn't even go for the hypocrisy argument first. Idiot!
"So you will stalk me like that had The System not gotten in your way! That's low Bobby! That's low!"
"I will not do that! Argh! Besides, you also blue-balled me before so does this same logic not apply to you!?"
Should've led with that Bobby boy.
"Mine's an honest mistake."
"And how is mine not!?"
"Because... you just admitted that you would want to do it, but you can't right?"
"I did not say that! Stop putting things in my mouth!!"
"Oh, that's what you've been fantasizing over? My, oh my..."
"Gah! No! Argh! Grr...! You should be the one on the defensive right now..."
"Hah! Well, face the Sun Tuz Art of War!"
"It's Sun Tzu, you idiot."
"Nerd."
"Sigh. We're getting nowhere with this. That's not why I called you..."
"Sure, change the subject. Just another point for Martyra. No biggie."
"...What are we even competing on?"
"Hmm, I don't know, but I'm winning."
"Yeah, yeah. Sure, sure. Anyway--"
"Go on, keep piling it on."
"Shut up! You've already gotten piled on a lot earlier."
"Pfft! I bet you have too."
"Oh I have. But it is curious how you know about it." Bobby raised his eyebrow in suspicion.
Errr... Wait, think, calm down...
"Speechless, huh?" He smirked.
Don't fall for his juvenile provocations, Gothra. What a child.
"Don't rush me, geez. The answer is that I don't really know that you did it... You just simply give off that kinda vibe, Bob. Like you know how... sometimes people are just able to tell if someone's actually a monster, but disguised as a human? So, maybe work on that. Hahaha."
"Whoa! Rude. That's not even very realistic. How can someone tell that the other person is a monster just because they said something creepy? People can just be fucking terrible. The real monster was us all along! That type of deal. Hahahaha!"
"Hmm, yeah. People definitely can be fucking shit."
I don't really have much to look back on regarding that. Or well, maybe I do, but the consequences I truly suffered because of it areminiscule thanks to The System. all fists are stopped just before they actually land on me, not that I even have a body that can be damaged by them.
Evil... I wonder what it was truly like? To not only have it surrounding you, but for it to touch you, envelop you, melt into you, corrupt you...
I want to touch it, to be touched by evil... but I know I'd regret it the next moment after.
...
"Anyway!" I cleared my throat, "if you called me for any other reason other than to blue-ball me, then pray tell. Though I doubt the former isn't true, I'm sure you've got an excuse or two."
"It's not an excuse, fuckface. But there is something... search for Gun Bear and Gun Etress on SystemTube."
"Did you call me just to share some cringe memes or something? Wahahahahhahahaha! That is so fitting! And here I thought you wouldn't have chosen a brain that is still affected by aging."
"Sigh. Just search and you'll see."
"Meh, fine. Bereo, can you, please?"
"Of course, Martyra."
Bereo pulled up a video projected as a hologram of the central square of the... town in SOU(Souls Unlimited Online). Forgot the name, probably something generic.
"I also don't remember," said Bob.
Yeah, I don't think either of us even checked. It's just... not the point of the game?
But well, let's see what this video is all about then.
The video plays.
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Trtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrt!
"Gwahahahahahahahahahaha!
TRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRT!
"GWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
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"Hey," I said, "Those two look familiar."
"Yeah. They really sell the 'having half a braincell' thing. Must have lots of experience in that field."
"Oh absolutely. Specially that Scaley Dragonoid in the background. That guy is Lord Stupid."
"And that 'Gun Empress' should instead be called 'Dumb Empress'"
"Heh. Gun Bear looks absolutely dashing though."
"Oh, agreed. Most definitely. A far cry from his master."
"And that master is so generous hanging out with that droll dragonoid."
"Hmm."
"Uhuh..."
But wow. What a fucking video to be posted...