Just A Friend

#16

Kang Jihan’s room door was open. The room, which Nam Seonwoo hadn’t seen in a long time, evoked the same impression as before. It was a boring room. The room, which could have been on display in any interior design shop, lacked any human touch. Even after they lived together, it was always Nam Seonwoo who put up things like photos in the room.

Kang Jihan looked somewhat awkward, as if it was his first time bringing someone to his room. Seeing him standing blankly in front of his desk, not knowing what to do, Nam Seonwoo chuckled and unwrapped an ice cream.

“Hey, puppy.”

“…”

“Pay up your friendship fee.”

As Nam Seonwoo was about to put the ice cream in his mouth, he caught something flying towards him in an arc with one hand.

“Friendship fee.”

It was an ice cream. The same kind he was eating now.

What friendship fee. He’s just getting rid of what he doesn’t want to eat. Nam Seonwoo grumbled but kept the ice cream. He hadn’t noticed when he opened the wrapper earlier, but now he saw it was an ice cream that would be discontinued in a few years. Seeing this ice cream that would disappear into history, he couldn’t help but feel amazed.

“Wow, this is nostalgic.”

“What’s nostalgic about it?”

“There’s just something.”

The ice cream, which revealed a candy inside after melting the outer layer, was something Nam Seonwoo quite liked. Thinking he should buy and eat a lot of these from the school store before they’re discontinued, Nam Seonwoo naturally crossed the room and sat on the edge of the bed.

“Why are you sitting there? With your outdoor clothes.”

Kang Jihan asked with a disgusted expression. It had been a while since Nam Seonwoo had seen that expression.

“Because there’s nowhere else to sit. A guest comes and you don’t even bring out a chair, you pay the friendship fee with ice cream. What’s this all about?”

“Get down on the floor.”

“No. My back hurts.”

As Nam Seonwoo sprawled out on the navy blue blanket, Kang Jihan sighed. It was an unexpectedly quick surrender. Seeing Kang Jihan sit on the floor without complaint, Nam Seonwoo couldn’t help but chuckle. Getting into a fight just days before the exam, suddenly being invited to Kang Jihan’s house and lying on his bed like this. Somehow, this moment felt more surreal than the day he woke up fifteen years in the past.

“Do you ride a motorcycle?”

Though he already knew the answer, Nam Seonwoo asked casually.

“What motorcycle for a high school student? Ride a bicycle appropriate for your age. I saw you had a nice bicycle earlier.”

“What about you?”

Through the window, he could see the trees swaying gently. The greenery swaying under the bright summer sky, the comfortably cool temperature and soft blanket, the pleasant feeling of fullness, and the low voice quietly heard from beside him. The drowsy sensation made his body feel like it was melting like a liquid.

“You ride one too. A motorcycle.”

“I can ride one, man. I’ve been accident-free for years.”

So Nam Seonwoo, not even aware of what he was saying, mumbled drowsily.

“No, I did have one. The fog was too thick. …Unlucky.”

As Kang Jihan took the ice cream from Nam Seonwoo’s hand, Nam Seonwoo reached out into the air. His mouth, sleep-talking “No… it’s going to be discontinued,” showed no signs of closing like when he was awake.

It was when Kang Jihan stood up to dispose of the ice cream. Nam Seonwoo, rubbing his face against the blanket, mumbled softly.

“Ah.”

Kang Jihan’s scent.

With that sound, the sleep-talking stopped.

Only the sound of regular breathing filled the quiet room. Nam Seonwoo, with a slight smile, looked peaceful.

Kang Jihan stood up from his seat when the melted ice cream started dripping down his fingers.

*

*

When he opened his eyes, the world was all white.

The unrealistically white view had no patterns or textures, making it difficult to grasp depth perception. So it took quite a while to realize that it was the ceiling.

It was silent.

After a while, something caught his eye in the previously all-white view. There seemed to be something like water in the transparent plastic bag visible above. Drip, drip, drip. Following the regular sound, it felt like something was being injected into his body.

Breathing was uncomfortable. The foreign sensation filling his throat and the transparent plastic covering his nose and mouth were unpleasant. But he couldn’t move at all. It felt like wearing the wrong clothes, a sense of displacement. It felt like being in a place where he shouldn’t be.

He didn’t want to stay in a place like this at all.

He closed his eyes as if trying to escape. Drip, drip, drip… The water sound knocking like a knock, the regular mechanical sound, all of it mixed like a cacophony. It was frustrating that he couldn’t cover his ears even though he wanted to block out the maddening sounds.

He felt irritated.

And terribly lonely.

*

*

A scratching sound tickling his ear knocked on his consciousness.

The sound was like gently peeling the surface of a fruit, or like a pencil lead rubbing against thin paper. Whatever it was, it sounded nice. After all, it was a sound made by a person.

As the tension in his stiff neck relaxed, the soft pillow gently cradled his head and nape. The back of his neck, which had been tense all along, felt sore. Nam Seonwoo carefully opened his eyes. The trees that had been swaying in the wind were now tinged with darkness that had settled. It seemed quite some time had passed for what was supposed to be a short nap.

His light-colored eyes slowly scanned from the window to the room. The softly lit light seemed to have dimmed a bit compared to before he fell asleep. Perhaps that’s why his eyes weren’t tired.

Scratch, scratch- Following that sound, his eyes stopped at the back visible at his bedside. The wide wall was blocking the light pouring from the ceiling. Within the broadly cast shadow, beyond it, he was listening to the sound coming from there, and it felt like sleep was washing over him again.

“…How long did I sleep?”

Kang Jihan turned his head. Glancing up at the clock on the wall, he replied.

“Three hours.”

“This is crazy…”

Nam Seonwoo mumbled, covering his eyes with both palms. It meant it was almost midnight, so today’s study was ruined. His mind felt urgent, but his comfortably stretched body wouldn’t move easily.

Might as well rest properly since the day is already wasted. Nam Seonwoo rationalized like that and stretched. The feeling of his outstretched arms and legs relaxing felt quite refreshing. As he closed his eyes for a moment in the pleasant coziness, he felt a gaze on his face.

“What are you looking at?”

“You look comfortable.”

It seemed like he was hinting at Nam Seonwoo lying on someone else’s bed, but Nam Seonwoo still mumbled with his eyes closed.

“I saved you from getting beaten up by four guys, shouldn’t you at least lend me your bed?”

A small breeze tickled his forehead with his bangs.

“I did lend it, that’s why.”

When he slightly opened one eye, Kang Jihan’s head was facing forward again.

Pulling his body up with a groan, he looked over Kang Jihan’s shoulder and saw textbooks spread out on the floor table. It was the subject he had highlighted with a fluorescent pen yesterday. Next to it was some fruit that seemed to have been left by his mother. He wasn’t sure when she had come in, but thinking that she might have seen him sprawled out sleeping on the room owner’s bed made his face feel a bit hot.

The scratching sound started again. Wondering what he was writing so intently, it seemed he was making a cheat sheet in the notebook spread beside him.

It seemed ill-fitting to see those hands that looked like they should be holding a basketball holding a thin pen instead. Nam Seonwoo inwardly giggled and turned to face Kang Jihan. As he found a comfortable position, sleepiness washed over him again. Trying to say something to escape the drowsiness, his gaze fell on the fruit.

“It’s peaches.”

The peaches, neatly peeled, were plated in bite-sized pieces.

“I really love peaches…”

The scratching sound stopped. But Nam Seonwoo didn’t notice. He was just feeling envious looking at those beautifully sliced peaches, unlike the ones he ate at home with the skin on.

“Your mother is really nice. She even peels peaches like that for you, while we just get them unwashed… I’m envious.”

“…”

“And even though she was called to school, she didn’t scold you… If it was my mom, I would have gotten dozens of spankings. She would have said ‘What did you do right?’ and not even let me eat peaches… It’s a million times fortunate that she’s not in Korea, or I’d be dead.”

Nam Seonwoo wasn’t even aware that these words were flowing out without passing through his consciousness.

“When are they coming back?”

“Don’t know. They say it’s a business trip, but it’s almost like they’re just traveling. They’re still like newlyweds. I wonder if they don’t get tired of each other after being together for so long…”

It was something he didn’t need to say. Especially in a situation where he could guess Kang Jihan’s family circumstances. But Nam Seonwoo was still half-asleep. Kang Jihan, who had put down his pen at some point, was turning his body towards the bed.

“Long time? How long have they been together?”

“Hmm, let’s see… They said they’ve been together since high school, so it’s been about thirty years. Wow, thirty years makes my relationship seem like nothing…”

The latter part was closer to mumbling. Kang Jihan nodded as if he wasn’t particularly concerned.

“That’s impressive.”

“You think so? I thought it was nothing special.”

Nam Seonwoo slightly furrowed his brow.

“I used to think I wanted that kind of… family-like lover, a long-term relationship. But it really wasn’t for me. Being with one person for so long.”

“Why?”

“Just, how should I put it. When you know each other too well, you can see how much you’re both changing. That’s a bit…”

Sad, very much so. Nam Seonwoo mumbled like that and yawned widely.

“I don’t want to do it again. …I won’t do it.”