DC Hellblazer: I'm Constantine

###### C21. I'm Constantine

"For a moment there, I was starting to think you would've looked fancy in those wings," Nergal gloats as he pulls back his axe, standing victorious. "Right when you started glowing up in Hell's blaze. I believe they'll best serve under my Damnation Army now."

A stunning silence follows as everyone expects a dramatic reveal. The moment stretches, then one demon finds the courage to ask the nagging question. "Whose corpse is lying next to Constantine's?"

Nergal gets startled and looks. Lying next to the corpse he's just sliced is another that's been completely roasted, and it looks like winged creature. With a swing of his leg and a grunt, Nergal kicks it away into the Hellfire surrounding the Gutters, wary that his moment of pride and victory might get diluted. "Nothing to worry about. Probably a demon caught in the crossfire."

"Check to see if he's really dead," he demands of the demon to inspect the corpse.

"He's dead alright," the demon reports before checking. "Cleanest bisect I've ever seen."

Nergal's smirk of pride and victory widens, and he stands taller and broader.

The inspector demon touches the body, feels the flesh and smells the blood. He sniffs as his nose tracks some unnatural odour coming from the corpse. "It's got the smell of burning cidar though. Very suspicious."

Nergal's eyes roll down, slightly taken aback by that statement. He stares down at the corpse and confirms that it's still there, split into two.

"Ha," Nergal scoffs, speaking boldly and desperately trying to mask his underlying tension, "Must've been what his despair smelled like in his dying moment."

"We, demons, all have the same sense of smell," Neron chimes in, having taken back his former guise after being unable to control his unruly green mass matter. "And we know that despair smells only of burnt hair."

"It must have been his fear then," Nergal argues, getting somewhat irritated.

"Fear reeks of Sulphur, a demons natural smell," Neron shoots abruptly with a sly grin. "Break that facade already and admit the truth. You failed to kill him, didn't you?"

Nergal's confidence falters, and he glances at his axe's tip for assurance, as if searching for answers, "I'm sure I sliced him. Right through his scrawny little head!"

Nergal's getting worried, and it seems to fuel Neron's sense of pride.

"If you're so sure he's dead," Neron says, kicking one half of the corpse to connect the body. "Where did all his marks go?"

Nergal realizes and furrows his brows to think. But before he can come up with a plausible explanation, a powerful force crashes against his fake, demonic abs and he finds himself staggering back.

"Oi," Nergal starts, realizing that Neron's still not done punishing him.

"I thought you new better than to interfere," Neron says, furiously pummelling Neron with a Green Blast that sends the fellow demon lord kneeling.

The Damnation Army from within the demon crowd gets riled up and tries to intervene, but Neron's forces - a more powerful army - keeps them at bay.

"We've all crossed paths with Constantine," the First speaks, ignoring everything that's happened with Neron and Nergal. It's their business after all. "Most demons know he's not an easy kill. Certainly not by cutting him in half."

"What trick do you reckon he's used this time?" Mammon inquires as he throws one of his servants away, looking disgruntled by something.

"The smell of burning cidar represents false essence that comes off the corpse of a doppelganger," Neron replies, showcasing his occult expertise as he burns the corpse away. Not even smoke slithers from it. "And knowing John Constantine, he's not too far away. Must have mixed with the crowd when no one was looking..."

Neron scans the demons and settles his eyes on something. A thought clicks in mind and he takes a spear from a demon, abruptly making a 360 turn to face the auctioneer and throws the spear straight at him.

"Sneaking around to get what he wants the most," Neron continues with a victorious smirk as the spear soars. The auctioneer tries to sidestep it, but something keeps him glued in position and incapable of defending.

"No, no," he tries to signal for help, but the spear pierces into his demonic flesh. He cries in pain and stars to char away into Oblivion.

"Gottcha!" Neron says with certainty and waits for the demon to char completely.

"Bollocks!" I curse when I get revealed to be behind the auctioneer demon, just before I could get to Lucifer's wings. They are at arms length, but I'm not so sure I can grab them faster than my hand will be cut off by the menacing guards.

If only I'd been a second faster.

"There you are," Neron gloats as demons push me back into the arena with their spears. I don't try to resist.

"I'd ask you how you managed to pull the switch," he starts, but his voice is not as curious and wary as the looks the other demons are giving me. "But the more immediate mystery is how you've gone and gotten that trench coat you're wearing right now."

I hear Mammon grunt as he spots my trench coat. Just a second earlier, he was sure it was in his range. Tables turn quickly, don't they?

"Come on now, mate," I smile arrogantly, despite having lost my one in a million chance of getting the wings and flying the hell out of this place, but it's no use cursing over spilled tricks. "You know a magician never reveals his secrets."

I straighten my coat and feel it pull against my skin. It wasn't easy, but it finally found me. Not like it's the Cloak of Levitation though. Can't conjure it here from the surface either. Not according to the rules anyway.

It took some serious planning and a skilled succubus to get it just in the nick of time: an axe hanging over my head. Couldn't have found a better time, that Ellie. Tsk! She's charming that way, but proved to be reliable, if not infatuated by me.

One second later, and it really would've been me sliced in half, rotting faster than the bag of chips I keep in the fridge, since 97. The switch, however, that's all me, mostly.

It was nothing fancy as teleportation, but close enough. A little more glorious if you ask.

I hate to admit it, but it took the blade of an axe hanging over my head before it finally clicked. My body, it's got all these Hellblazer marks: demon signs and curses, and the mysterious lot.

With the demon sigils, I can tap into demonic power of specific demons. Curses are plenty self-explanatory. But it's the mysterious symbols that I never understood. And never tried to, like they were always throwing me off.

But then came my death moment, and I realized: Constantine's a bloke who walks three worlds: left leg in Hell, right one in Heaven, and his middle one fucking everyone on Earth. Wasn't sure though, that the mysterious marks represented angels. But it didn't seem like I had plenty of choices at the time.

I gambled, banking all hope and Hellfire on the divine and I swear, Nergal's blade tasted my scalp before the miracle happened. Worries of going bald aside, I'd never thought I'd be happy to see an angel, considering the history.

This one was beautiful, female, and most importantly equipped with that flourish of stopping reality angels have whenever they appear. And even luckier for me, she was an angel powerful enough to keep her presence unnoticed by demon lords.

OG Constantine's summoned many angels in his time, but he'd never been able to get an answer from one as beautiful as the one who was standing before me: wings and all the right curves, with just the right amount of bulking blossoms, only to paint the vaguest of pictures.

But the wonder didn't last long, consequence of summoning an angel in hell. She went up in flames faster than I could ask for a nightstand.

I could've tried to help her, but the time freeze didn't seem as though it could last long enough to save two arses; mine and hers. My selfish gears kicked right in and I started a ritual to create a doppelganger, closing my eyes and squinting them as though it'd keep me from hearing her painful cries. And being an angel, beings that've never known pain, it must have been a harrowing ordeal for her.

Still, I focused hard on ignoring her, finished my excuse of a doppelganger, dissected it's skull slightly to allow Nergal's axe to fit in order to finish the job. Tried to, but couldn't draw any of the tats in time, however.

Then, I noticed Ellie, found and caught by Mammon's monstrous hands in a threatening sneer. I couldn't help her either, so I just grabbed my coat, leaving a hopeful peck on her lips.

The process wasn't all smooth, however. By the way the First's eyes rolled during the time freeze, I'm certain he must've sensed me at some point.

All the same, I was a step ahead by the time the angel burned completely, her corpse falling right next to mine and Nergal kickin' it into Hell's special sewers.

Bollocks! Words just won't flow, and these bloody paper cuts are doing me in. AI might be all the rage, but it don't speak my language - not properly, anyway. Feels like a load of phonies whenever I read 'em. Truth is, I've started preferin' the mistakes, the rough cuts - makes me use my brain proper. But blimey, it's no walk in the park, and let's face it, the comment section ain't enough. I need somethin' bigger, better - above and beyond.

Now, I could trick ya into it, but Zee reckons I should try honesty for once. So what d'ya think, mates? Care to give my [Patreon page](Patreon.com/mimiclord) a peek? Or do I need to drag ya kicking and screaming through Hell to get yer attention?